I thought I'd always be able to protect my babies. Because that was my role, as their mother. To protect them.
How silly of me. To think I could protect them. Forever. From everything. From mean words. From broken hearts. From rejection, fear and disappointment. From scrapes, bruises and scars.
I don't want them to feel any of that. It hurts just thinking about it. About them hurting. And if life would let me protect them forever, I would. But of course, that's not how it goes...
I can guide them, share with them, listen to them, love them. God I love them. But I can't protect them, not from everything {and not forever}.
I should have worked this out ages ago {but really it's only just dawning on me}.
I saw a first glimpse of this realisation in a matter of moments a few weeks ago...
My little miss two and a half was playing happily with a six year old. And then miss six got sick of playing the same game a hundred times over, and told her so. And walked away.
My little girl begged her to play again, pleaded "one more". {She even said please}. But no her big friend wouldn't budge, telling her she didn't want to play with her at all anymore. She may be just two and a half, but she understood that. {And in her big brown eyes I saw reflections of hurt}.
I wondered what I was to do. I didn't blame miss six for getting sick of the game - sometimes I get over playing the same game again and again too. But my little girl was distraught, in tears, and calling out "Play with me". She felt the rejection, but she couldn't understand it.
My mind didn't know what to do, so I let my heart do what felt right. I held my baby close, told her it would be okay, told her I loved her. And {with a lump in my throat} explained that sometimes our friends don't feel like playing with us, and that's okay.
But the whole thing has left me a little confused, a little overwhelmed.
I'm wondering how I teach my little girl resilience, how I teach her courage, how I teach her strength and determination, and understanding and tolerance. How I teach her to be mindful of others' feelings, and to use her intuition {and follow it too}.
How I teach her everything I think she needs to know to protect herself, but mainly to stay true to herself.
I'm a little daunted here. And I'm a little scared too. I thought showering her in love alone would be enough. Perhaps not?
I've thought about this on and off for weeks now. And I'm still not sure what the answer is.
But for now, I'm going to keep pouring on that love, and try to be the best version of myself possible {for her and for me}. I hope {and I pray} that a little {and a lot} of that is what she sees, what she needs to learn and helps her to grow. And I hope that is enough.
Elisa xx
{image by Sam Natoli Photography}
What qualities do you hope to teach the little one in your life? {Whoever that little one may be - your child, sister, brother, niece, cousin, neighbour...}
