One word // Surrender

Towards the end of last year it felt like I was given no choice but to surrender. And still I resisted it.

I had big plans for 2015. Bigger than big plans - a return to study, new work commitments and a few personal projects up my sleeve too, and daily blog writing (ha!) 

The universe, of course, had other ideas but did promptly offer me my asked-for serving of big - in the form of our darling Ruby. 2015 was BIG in the best way. 

It pushed me to rediscover myself, but mostly reminded me who I am and who I am striving to be.

I got better at letting go of the big {end} picture, instead focusing on doing what I could with what I had. 

I came to believe that would be enough. That my best is as much as I can do. 

I discovered so much more about trust. And that my intuition is always spot on. 

I learnt to ask. And how to let my heart answer.

I improved at listening. And finally accepted that it's hard for me not to talk.

I realised that people like to help. And I realised that I'm pretty good at helping and supporting myself.

I discovered that in doing less, I am able to give more. And in surrendering to this, I have felt more alive than I ever have.

Almost two weeks ago I caught myself holding my breath. As I exhaled, the word surrender rolled off my tongue. 

I knew immediately it was my one word for this year. My reminder to go slowly, to be present, to be kinder to myself. 

xx

Have you chosen one word to guide your year? Do you set intentions? I'd love to know. Elisa x

~ Sharing my one word with Bron at Maxabella Loves here.

~ I'm excited to be finally putting my meditation training to good use this year. I'll be creating and soon sending out {monthly is the plan!} some free mindful word/photography prints, plus affirmations and journalling/meditation practices and prompts to go with them. If that sounds like your thing, feel free to add your email address via the form here. 

Catching my breath + the happiest news

I've spent the past two months catching my breath (courtesy of a whirlwind of work, nausea, preparations for end of kinder / start of school for miss five, and exhaustion). 

And searching for more breath. (When breathwork is at the core of your meditation practise, a family of four taking turns at gastro then two weeks of a lingering cough/cold certainly gets in the way). 

And then finally making time to just breathe. 

And this time around just breathing meant abandoning a few of things I wanted to be doing, mainly being here writing about new-found joy, excitement, anticipation and all the growth these past five months have entailed.

Instead I found myself sitting a lot, witnessing, reflecting. And watching my girls (now five and three) ever so closely. All of sudden they seem so big, so grown up. I want to bottle their energy as it is now, to savour and remember these moments. I've felt scared I'll forget the little things they say, their laughter as it is now, us as we are now. Each day they are growing, changing, learning, and it felt like I couldn't keep up. 

A fortnight ago miss three and I sat in the grass. She picked daisies. I sat down to breathe, to stretch and soak up the sunshine, my camera by my side; and all the while admiring her abundance of energy - energy I was lacking. 

After beheading more daisies then her little hands could hold, she decided to slow down, join my pace and copy my pose - that's her in the image above.

And it was then I felt myself taking a deeper breath and only then noticing the breath cycle I'd be living in, despite stopping to breathe being a focus in my days.

It was then I realised I don't need to keep up with my girls, I just need to show up. To be there in the moment with them as much as I can; to love them; to be a witness to (and encourage) their curiousity, creativity, kindness, wonder and love; to share my heart with them and to sit back and soak up our days and our rhythms (even the messy ones) with a big breath. And to know and accept that there will be times I'll wish I'd done things differently. 

And as I step into week 21 of growing our newest baby girl - hopefully that explains my nausea, exhaustion and absence from the blog :) - I'm breathing easier than before; and making wishes for a new year with joy and love as our guides.

xx

How are you? Are you breathing freely? Any happy news to share? xx    

This little shadow

This morning I heard "Stop following me!" screamed by my miss three.
But there was no-one following her.
Then again came her screamed request, and again. But this time she was outside and pointed to the little follower she was disgruntled with: her shadow.
"It's scary mummy. It won't go away."
I explained just how a shadow worked, and that hers belonged to only her.
But she was still unhappy.
So I stood in the sun and showed her my shadow.
She quickly stood in front of me, her shadow mostly in mine, just a little of her piggy tail poking out.
"That's better, mummy."

xx

~ My big girl has her first prep school orientation tomorrow. She still wants to be close to her mummy, but she's been creating a whole lot of distance (independence) and doing so much growing up lately. I'm wondering just how long my little miss three will want to stay in mummy's shadow. For so so much longer, I do hope. Elisa x

I'm listening

I wrote about the day I learnt to breathe a little more than a month ago now. And that night I journalled. And that night I asked my heart what makes it sing. And that night and for the forty-two days that have followed I've been reminded to just breathe. 

The words could have been so easy to ignore, but I've been listening. I abandoned the blog {not quite expecting to be away this long!}, and reworked my to-do list to include the essentials only. In doing so, I created time. Time filled with little things {and my little people}, moments that have made my heart soar, big breaths, long exhalations and a stronger, clearer idea of where I want to go from here.

It's reminded me that the advice and wisdom we share (hello learning to breathe fully, trusting where you're at, and finding something that nourishes your mind and heart) is most certainly the advice we need.

xx

What have you learnt this past month? What are you most grateful for? I hope your days have been happy and you've remembered to breathe xx


{Oh and my little escape has seen me forget about my first giveaway!! Winners of this "just breathe" print are Julie @ Off to the Park and Amanda @ Homely One. Please email me your postal address withgraceandeve@gmail.com and I will send your print xx}

Escape

After writing these words, we decided a little escape down the coast would be the perfect way to reset our pace. And a new rhythm we found. One that's left us recharged, and filled up on the joy that is being together with no real agenda for the day. Miss four wanted a journal of sorts of our three days away to show her family and friends; these are a few of the photos {snapped with my phone!} that tell the story of our time away. Just us, simple days, exploring new places, sharing laughter, love and time.  

xx

{Also pic 34 in my by the sea series 52 project. You can view the rest of the images here xx} 

Have you escaped lately? What helps to reset your pace? X

Sometimes

Sometimes there comes a reminder to walk slowly. To wait patiently, and to let go. 

Sometimes there comes an inner voice that says stop. Just stop. Right now. And for no reason. Because you don't need a reason. To set your own pace. 

And so you choose to stop. To press pause for a minute, or two or a little longer.

And maybe it's just to breathe. To breathe fully. Those really big breaths. The ones that can take you a little by surprise and remind you that yes indeed you are alive. 

And then you find yourself realigning with your heart as you inhale, and noticing seconds as you exhale. And suddenly you realise, it takes just a moment to stop, and just a moment for things to change. And that scares you. 

But maybe that's not such a bad thing because it gets you dwelling on gratitude. True heart-expanding gratitude. And it's in those moments of true thanks that you feel your heart speaking. And it's when you turn down the background noise, that you see gratitude exists in the right now, and right here. In what is. 

And you realise that with every breath in, and breath out comes opportunity.
To see things differently. To do things differently.
To say something. Or say nothing.
To kiss softly and slowly, like time is yours.
To linger longer when you hug goodbye.
To say what you've been thinking aloud.
To create a new habit. To let go of an old one.
To choose healing. To choose life.
To choose to see love. In you. And him. And her. And them. 

To ask how love would respond. Before you respond.
To seek joy. 

And so you decide from this moment on to make a little time within each day to just breathe. Or meditate. Or pray. Or read. Or write. To create. Or just be.

To do that thing that speaks to your heart the loudest. 

To choose solitude. And time together. 

To give thanks for today, and tomorrow. 

To listen. 

And to choose to see the beauty that exists in the ordinary. in the everyday. 

in every minute. and within every single breath. 

xx

{I've been away from the online world, and away from this space I love for two weeks now. Right when I felt I was ready to jump back in! And while life has been full of wonder, joy and learning, winter's done it's trick of sending me inward once again. And that's right where I've needed to be :) This post pretty much sums up my heart's thoughts right now, and now feels a good time to share. Something has shifted here, and I'd say it's no coincidence that a new season is on its way. Elisa xx}

In sickness & health

We've spent a week sick. And now that we're better, we're enjoying the sweet feeling of health returned and more energy yet still spending much of our days resting, moving gently. Because it seems that's what our bodies are wanting of us right now, and perhaps that's what winter is calling us to do too. 

And while getting sick always upsets me, because I do oh so much to keep my family healthy, I've learnt a couple things this time around. And first is to redefine my thoughts on sick. Because colds and high temps, as much as it's horrible to see your babies unwell and exhausting to care for them when you're feeling much the same - well that's one level of sick that our healthy bodies can fight and handle. And that our bodies bounce back from rather well. So yes we've been sick, but in being so our bodies have shown us how strong and capable they are too. Because we are healthy. 

And while I normally avoid catching what my girls get, this time around I'm pretty confident I had to get sick to realign myself with where I need to be. And turns out where I need to be is where I already am. Right here, just being, not doing more and not doing less, but shuffling things around so there's more time for what matters most. 

I've also been reminded that I have time. I have time. Just saying those words aloud reminds me to slow. To give thanks for now. I made a couple big decisions this past month, and it turns out now I've changed my mind on those. And that's okay. Because slowing to take less on but take in more of right now, it just seems right for me. And us. 

xx

Are you called to slow down this season too? x

Finding joy

Joy. It keeps coming at me. In conversation. In actions. As a guide in decisions of late. I've heard the advice to act with the question "What would love do?" in mind. I love that. But lately, it's been "Will this bring me joy? How can I offer joy? And is there a joyous way to do or think about what has to be done?" The more I ask these questions, the better I come to understand what joy is to me. And the more I seem to find joy. In the little things, and even in the mundane. Maybe joy has always been there, in almost everything I have set out to do - just I haven't always been looking with joyful eyes, and it's that I'm consciously choosing now to honour my heart's kind of joy. Maybe.

xx

Are you seeking joy? What brings joy to you?   

Sunday mornings

There always seems to be something happening on a Saturday and normally I'm flying solo in the parenting duties with hubby at work. But Sundays? Lately they are slow, filled with family and moments that make my heart soar. A part of me would like to say they're spontaneous, but truth is we're intentionally creating our Sundays this way. This morning he ran laps around the oval, the girls chased and I watched on while playing with my camera. Everybody was happy.

xx

How do your weekends go? Do you have an intentionally slow, family-filled time scheduled in?

Her words, my heart & a dose of mother guilt

Sometimes in the midst of caring for my girls and working from home I beat myself up about not doing a good enough job at either role. 

Thing is somewhere deep down I do know I'm doing a good job at both roles. And for the most part I have this balance thing going pretty well... even if it means intentionally carving out time to make our memories and just be.

But, and this often strikes during school holidays (read now!), there's an emotional part of me that cringes when I step into another room to make a work call or tell miss four that she really does need to amuse herself for 10 minutes so mummy can put the finishing touches on an article, or when I hear myself saying "just one more minute" and then realising it's not the first time I've asked for that one minute more...

A few week's ago I asked miss four if I she would like to help me bake our bread - something she loves to do and we often do together. Her response: "Not right now Mummy. I'm doing my work, you'll need to wait ... just one minute." Cringe. Sigh. Guilt. I waited, and watched as she purposefully wrote numbers on her paper. She gave me all her attention and love when she was ready, one minute later. 

The day after I chatted with another mother about my feelings of guilt. I knew she was in a similar situation to me and was comforted when she admitted it crept up on her often too... She suggested that perhaps it was just part and parcel of being a working-from-home mum. And just as we were about to leave the conversation at that, another mum joined in, "Actually that guilt happened to me too. I still cringe, thinking I could have done more, shown them more, taught them more, been present more... and I chose to stay home with them until they went to school. I think it's just part and parcel with being a mum."

But is it? This guilt that nobody ever tells you about pre-kids, that stings horribly and is hard to erase. Does it have to be part of motherhood?

Yesterday I overheard miss four talking to miss two: "What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a mum that's just like my mum." And my first thought was: I must be doing something right. Maybe more than something. And truth is those words went and made my day.

I keep hoping my girls will remember when they're older that I was doing my best. And I hope that's enough. Because I suppose in the end that's all I can do. To trust myself, do my best, love fully and keep on collecting {and savouring} heart moments as I go.

xx 

Does mother guilt come your way too? x
{Image above taken by the super-talented Laura at Perla Photography x}


  

You ~ 14/52

It's been just the two of us for 15 hours a week for 10 weeks now.

My eyes on you, my heart taking all of you in. Your eyes brimming with excitement, your hand in mine.

And I've noticed...

You hold my hand tighter than usual when it's just the two of us.

When you show me that one-dimple smile, your eyes sparkle. I love it so very much.

You're even cheekier than your big sister. I never would have guessed my gentle baby would be. 

You have so many more words when it's just you and me. And you're not afraid to assert your intentions either. "I walk, no pram." Before the car is even parked...

You like your own company. Keen to explore for yourself. And create some distance between you and me.

You notice everything. So much so I find myself scrambling to make sure I'm noticing enough.

"Cup a tea?" you say as soon as we return home, picking up the teapot in your play kitchen.

And this past month, it's mummy you call me. I'm mama no more.

You're growing into a little girl, but still my baby. As you put it so sweetly to the mother and baby we met in the street, "Hi little baby! I big baby."

And I’m trying so hard to remember every part of you as you are at two and a half, trying so hard to remember these moments now forever. 

But mostly I find myself just focusing on the love, all that love. As you grow, I grow, and that love just keeps on surprising me and expanding even further too.

xx

{Reflections after I took this photo last week ~ a beautifully sand-messy morning with just the two of us by the sea x} 

Ten on Ten {finding beauty in the ordinary}

Ten on ten :: one photo an hour for ten consecutive hours on the tenth day of the month. A way of finding and capturing life and beauty in the ordinary things in our everyday.

 

 

 

 

 

1. Up to watch the sun rise three mornings in a row so far... thanks to an early-to-rise little miss four.
2. "Let's follow the flags, Mama! It's like an adventure..."
3. And all the way to the beach we walked. Miss four amazed by the way the sun could sparkle on top of the water. 
4. Captivated by the colour.
5. Succulents are a favourite.
6. Sparkly shoes {and then scraped knees} for our little miss two.
7. Watching the colour of the sky and the colour of the sea, matching in places.
8. Tiny raindrops. But then no more.
9. Miss four's been making a whole lot of wishes this month.
10. A dramatic night sky to cap off a restful weekend.

Photos taken on the tenth, posted here a day late... choosing to trust in perfect timing, and joining the ten on ten photo project with Rebekah here.

xx

Lessons, and letting go ~ 9/52

We picked daisies and I thought about joy. I watched miss two closely. Just the act of being able to pull a daisy out of the ground saw her face light up in the biggest smile.

The flowers came with us to pick-up miss four from pre-school, and it was only then I decided that it was a fitting week to let them go by the sea.

Letting go had been my lesson this past week. I think I relearned it three times. And I think it's one I'll relearn again at a later stage too. Each time a different situation, each time a different emotion - from overwhelm to grief to relief at the letting go.

Miss four lined up the flowers for me. I took the photos, unsure whether I should focus on what was in front of me {the daisies but also this very moment, and my emotions} or focus ahead on what will pass and what could be {out to the sea, how much better I hoped I'd feel by the week's end, happier times}.

As we got ready to throw the daisies out to sea, a gust of wind took all but one. And it took me by surprise but at the same time seemed a little fitting that the letting go happened all on it's own, before we were ready.

I let the last daisy fall gently to the water and sat to watch it float away. And miss four took control of the camera, pointing out to me that there was so much more than my drifting flower to see.

xx

>> Interested in receiving my free mindfulness prints and "breathe" meditation eBook? I can't wait to soon send them your way. You can sign up for them here. <<   　  

By the sea ~ 7/52

I always remember my mum surprising us on drives home and stopping the car at a random park she knew was on the way.
We'd always ask: "Why are we stopping? Mum, where are we?"
Always surprised. Even though she did it quite often.
Then off we'd go to play and explore.
I loved the spontaneity of it. And the sense of adventure too.

I swore to myself a long time ago I would be spontaneous just like that for my girls.
We'd already visited the beach once this week to watch the waves, but this time was out of the ordinary, a last-minute split-second decision while I was preparing dinner. Dinner could wait I decided, then grabbed a towel, my camera and two changes of dresses for my little princesses.

I sat on the sand and watched them - squeals of excitement as they ran in the water, splashed each other and gathered a collection of shells to display on the sand.
And it felt good to let go of routine and shoulds and musts, to slow and to stop, to watch my girls just be.

xx

Are you spontaneous? The more I let go and savour moments, I feel like spontaneity is something I'm learning to love xx

Sunset & spontaneity

 

It amazes me how I can miss sunset so often. Somehow cooking dinner, bath time and cleaning up mean I forget about the whole sun going down thing until it's dark almost every night.

Last week after a picnic dinner in the park we drove home to sunset. And while helping miss four get ready for bed, I kept thinking about how I really wanted to be outside and witnessing those brilliant orange, yellow and peach shades playing out alongside the darkening sky.

Then spontaneity took over, and the two of us abandoned teeth brushing for a walk towards the departing sun...

xx

When was the last time you witnessed sunset? x

By the sea ~ 6/52

{This morning} A beachside walk in the already-hot morning sun; miss four with her camera ready endeavouring to capture every bit of blue sky and blue sea she could see; miss two protesting at her lack of a camera; together watching the light reflect off a still sea from the lookout; then off to the farmers' market we went... x 

What if...

Balance is such a funny thing. I've felt balanced and blissful this week, and then had moments of anxiety when I've needed time and space to be alone, to organise various work deadlines and things I have to do, to find my clarity, then just sit and be.

In those moments I'm often reminded first of my imperfections. I've felt uncoordinated, like I'm not doing a great job of anything and a tad overwhelmed too.

But if I flipped that, if I put my judgements of myself aside, perhaps I would see it as: someone working through her stresses and emotions, maybe I would see strength and commitment, perhaps I would see someone who is supportive and gives her all...

In my little girls' eyes, perhaps I would see a mother who gives an abundance of love, tries her best and brings kindness to each day...

I read this today: "If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, only then would you realise how special you are to me..."

And perhaps I skipped over the true point, because yes I see that it's about a parent and child and I so want my girls to clearly see their strengths and what makes them wonderful and unique... but my thoughts kept drifting to what if we all stopped for a few moments to view ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us... what if we stopped to do that right now?

I did just that. And it changed my mindset in an instant. I'm hoping you'll give it a go too?

xx

{Image above of me and my girls taken by the talented Laura @ Perla Photography.}

{I'm not sure where that quote originally comes from or who it's by - if you know, love you to let me know so I can credit it please. Elisa x}

Daisy chains & I spy

The summer holidays have come to an end yet that relaxed, time-is-ours feeling is still lingering.

I'll do anything to keep it going, although the four-year-old pre-school routine might do a good job at squashing that in the coming weeks...

The plan? To carve out parts of our every week {and moments of our days} where simplicity is our only practice.

The past week there's been a whole lot of making daisy chains, pushing swings, building blocks, dipping out feet in the sea and games of "I spy" on car trips.

And in those little moments with my girls it feels as though I see clearer, truly listen, my heart expands and time lasts that bit longer.... here's to creating more of that.

xx

Any ideas for keeping that holiday feeling an everyday one? x

By the sea ~ 5/52

In a week brimming with the fulfilment of taking our days slow and the excitement of starting something new {pre-school for little miss four}, an impromptu walk in the water was a perfect end. Thankfully these two are just as in love with being by the sea as I am... x 

Choose

When I woke yesterday one word was on my mind... choose.

Choose your day.
Choose how you spend your time.
Choose your emotions.
Choose your words.
Choose your destination.
Choose to breathe.
Choose to see love.
Choose to be love.
Choose to write.
Choose to read.
Choose to share.
Choose to sit in silence.
Choose to dance.
Choose to witness this very moment.
Choose calm.

All in a choice.
One I have.
One I choose to give thanks for.

xx

{Yesterday I chose play over work, I chose peppermint tea and splashing in the water at the beach with my girls. I chose to look to the sky with wonder in my eyes. I chose to ask for help, and to give thanks for it. I chose to meditate, to journal and to practise yoga. I chose to turn my phone on silent. Today I will choose to remind myself to breathe. And to just be. Elisa x}

What do you choose?