Taking a chance + starting before you're ready

I've realised {in the past couple months} that I find it easy to overlook myself in the day-to-day. And the problem with that - with not carving out minutes of your every day solely for you - is that soon those days become weeks, months and you look back and realise you've made loads of plans + let ideas swirl in your head... and that's where they've stayed. As floating ideas and hand-written plans. In a notepad.

I pretty much woke up to this realisation. Just woke up and thought, that's enough. 

I realised I don't actually believe in myself as much as I think I do.
I realised that taking a chance on me is damn scary.
I realised that I've been waiting for permission to give more of my heart's writing + soul's stirrings a real go. {Permission from who, I'm not quite sure.}
I realised that now's the time. {Actually, now is always the time.}
I realised that I'm very good at talking myself out of taking a chance.
I realised that even the thought of vulnerability cripples me {used to cripple me}.
I realised that living my truth - writing it, sharing it, speaking it - is where I want to be {always}.
I realised I was giving myself the opposite advice I'd give to my beautiful girls.
I realised if I didn't call myself out on this one. Say "that's enough" and actually mean it, I'd be moving in these circles for many years to come. 

And so, I scribbled words down on paper - words + feelings standing in my way. I came up with "taking a chance on me", "trust", "authenticity" + "vulnerability". And I've accepted they're all really good friends, and I no longer want them to be a roadblock in my way.  

So I've been breathing my way forward. 

This past month has been about pulling back, slowing down and breathing with intention. Focusing on what matters most. And that's meant little time for anything that's not mothering my three + nurturing my heart. 

I'm embracing my ideas little by little, and navigating them into existence slowly but surely. And I'm starting before I feel ready. And those little steps I'm taking, it turns out they feel like bounds once you make a few.

xx

Have you taken a chance on yourself lately? Have you started a new project recently? Any lessons on vulnerability you'd like to share? 

With big nourishing breaths + much much love, Elisa x


~~~~~~~~ >> FREE PRINTS + MINDFULNESS BUNDLE: Thank you to all the lovely people who have signed up early before my mindfulness bundle + breathe prints are ready! Thank you for taking a chance on me! I've added a couple simple meditations and the bundle is almost ready to send. You can check out what's included here. Elisa xx

~~~~~~~~ >> NEW INSTAGRAM: I've created a new instagram @ohhelloheart that's solely for my writing, mindfulness + meditation. Love you to come say hi! Elisa X

Big breaths, no tears

Big breaths have been taken this past week.

Because I'm trying my very best to get in some full nurturing breaths and create some extra comfort for me and room in this fast growing belly for baby.

Because focusing on my breath reminds me to slow.

Because I can't seem to schedule a yoga class this pregnancy, despite plenty of trying. And breathing is my favourite part of yoga.

Because we let go of our little girl that little bit extra this week and watched her dance on into her prep classroom, eager as ever for school to begin. There were no tears from her, and no tears from me but the letting go certainly stung a little.

Big breaths too because seeing her off to school saw me consumed by anxiety at the very last minute. Because what if I hadn't given her enough, shown her enough, taught her enough, been there enough... so many what ifs filled my head one sleepless night. And then early in the morning sleep finally arrived, as I comforted myself in the thought that I probably wasn't alone in feeling this way and remembered I've loved her as much as my whole heart can love, and isn't love always enough?

More big breaths to come this next week as miss three sets off for kindergarten. And with both my babes busy learning and having fun for five hours one day a week I plan on carving out a little time each morning before I get stuck into work that involves breathing, and pretty much nothing else. A few minutes where it's just me, the sound of the waves, time to just be and time to connect with baby. Creating space to slow, to tune in, to love. Creating space and joy.

xx

Wishing you nurturing breaths this week, and the next. Has this week been filled with starting something new for you too? x

~ Love that my hubby captured this image of me and my big girl on her first school morning. We had plenty of smiling photos. And then when I thought he had stopped snapping, she turned to me with a big hug: "Today is soooo exciting Mummy." 

Her words, my heart & a dose of mother guilt

Sometimes in the midst of caring for my girls and working from home I beat myself up about not doing a good enough job at either role. 

Thing is somewhere deep down I do know I'm doing a good job at both roles. And for the most part I have this balance thing going pretty well... even if it means intentionally carving out time to make our memories and just be.

But, and this often strikes during school holidays (read now!), there's an emotional part of me that cringes when I step into another room to make a work call or tell miss four that she really does need to amuse herself for 10 minutes so mummy can put the finishing touches on an article, or when I hear myself saying "just one more minute" and then realising it's not the first time I've asked for that one minute more...

A few week's ago I asked miss four if I she would like to help me bake our bread - something she loves to do and we often do together. Her response: "Not right now Mummy. I'm doing my work, you'll need to wait ... just one minute." Cringe. Sigh. Guilt. I waited, and watched as she purposefully wrote numbers on her paper. She gave me all her attention and love when she was ready, one minute later. 

The day after I chatted with another mother about my feelings of guilt. I knew she was in a similar situation to me and was comforted when she admitted it crept up on her often too... She suggested that perhaps it was just part and parcel of being a working-from-home mum. And just as we were about to leave the conversation at that, another mum joined in, "Actually that guilt happened to me too. I still cringe, thinking I could have done more, shown them more, taught them more, been present more... and I chose to stay home with them until they went to school. I think it's just part and parcel with being a mum."

But is it? This guilt that nobody ever tells you about pre-kids, that stings horribly and is hard to erase. Does it have to be part of motherhood?

Yesterday I overheard miss four talking to miss two: "What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be a mum that's just like my mum." And my first thought was: I must be doing something right. Maybe more than something. And truth is those words went and made my day.

I keep hoping my girls will remember when they're older that I was doing my best. And I hope that's enough. Because I suppose in the end that's all I can do. To trust myself, do my best, love fully and keep on collecting {and savouring} heart moments as I go.

xx 

Does mother guilt come your way too? x
{Image above taken by the super-talented Laura at Perla Photography x}


  

Working, working...

I'm working working working right now. And while I do love what I do, there's a part of me that knows {and believes} that this time of the year isn't meant to be the rushed chaos it often turns out to be.

To me, the rhythm of summer is meant to be about play, and family, being together and slowing down to take in sun-shining days (although the sun hasn't been out and about that much around here lately), for spending time soaking up my girls, for winding down after the school year, for taking stock and looking back at all that's happened - all that we've achieved together and individually - and taking it in. A time for slowing to the point of noticing where we are, how far we've come and enjoying time to just be.

I want that. And by the water (no matter the weather, and with my girls) is where I truly want to be right now.

But I'm plodding along steadily, getting items ticked off my work to do list, meeting deadlines and counting down til December 20. Because that's when I'm putting myself on enforced annual leave for a week or so. That's when that slowing and internal rhythm will surface strongest. In the meantime, it's a mixture of slow and fast, but with just enough slow to nourish my body, mind and heart and see me through.

xx

Are you rushing to get things done before the holidays? At which point in the lead up to Christmas, do you let yourself truly slow down? xx


>> If you live in Melbourne, check out the giveaway over on my facebook page - you could win a photoshoot with the gorgeous and very talented Laura at Perla Photography + a CD of images from the day + one print of your choice from With Grace & Eve shop - just by liking our pages and sharing the giveaway post. If you're interested, see  details on Wednesday's facebook post here.

Missing. Lately.

 

I've been missing in action at With Grace & Eve lately.... Right when I thought I'd found a relaxed mindful rhythm of heart centred moments...when I'd found my balance... mother guilt and fear crept up on me.                       

 

I almost immediately intentionally pulled back to centre in on me - my emotional wellbeing - and to reassess, to slow further, to find my clarity and to release the guilt and fear that weren't serving me one bit well.

 

That pulling back was really a letting go. And a reminder to do what needed to be done, and do nothing extra. A releasing of old patterns, to create time and space for new.

Clarity came and showed me what was missing. Slowly.

 

I craved the written word, and particularly that which I'd read before. So I read the same words, but gained new insight.

 

 I wrote just for me. I created new affirmations. And silently and repetitively I affirmed: "My best is good enough."

 

And I spent the solo minutes my day afforded me in stillness, drawn to meditation and realigning myself with the power of my breath. 

 

And after two birthday celebrations (now we have a little miss two and little miss four!) this past two months I have felt the need to hold my babies close a little more each day.     
 

As I slowed, it felt as though time was affording me more heart moments. But less I wanted to share.     
 

I gave myself a mindful project, to ground and centre with two little girls in tow. I stepped outside at about the same time each day for seven days to take photos at the same place. Minutes of just being with my girls, in awareness, mindful of moments and the power of presence all at once.

And I've missed this space but the lesson has been in the missing. It's made me notice what's missing from my days, and it's shown me once again the freedom and presence that comes from honouring where I'm at. And the wonder that comes from making space for new and change.

   

xx

 

Has anything been missing from your days of late? And does that affirmation {"My best is good enough"} resonate with you? When I shared it on facebook, it was reassuring to know it was something others felt they needed too. Elisa x

 

Stop. And Surrender.

Right when I didn't think my days could get any busier this past week they did.

And with that busyness I displayed some of my least favourite traits of overwhelmed and frustration.

I keep reminding myself to feel it and let it go.

But sometimes it doesn't happen that effortlessly though.

And so I whisper to myself: a little less thinking, a little more surrendering. And: this too shall pass.

Then I step outside. And look up at the sky.

It's shown me all its emotions too this week: stormy, overcast, illuminated by sunset, blue and sunshine filled, cloud scattered and grey.

And it's in that one minute that I step outside, surrender becomes me.

I stop, see, hear, feel. I witness the sky and I witness myself.

Then I give thanks.

It's just a minute. And that minute is my antidote to busy and rushed.

xx

{Yesterday I stopped twice to look to the sky and surrender my thoughts, once at home, the other at the beach. The sky and the waves were mesmerising. This minute of sky watching was my inspiration for this print. It's become a ritual in my days. Elisa x}

How do you slow down and surrender on the busiest of weeks? And do you look to the sky?

A little less, a little more

I've been thinking about what I could go a little less of and a little more of since seeing this Blackmores ad*.

Actually I'd been thinking loads recently about what was missing from my days, but I like the little more, little less concept so much better. Especially the little part. No big scary changes, just gentle shifts in the direction I want to sail.

A little less procastination, a little more sleep 

A little less checking the clock, a little more cardio 

A little less staring at the computer screen, a little more staring at the water

A little less facebook, a little more book reading

A little less talking, a little more listening 

A little less planning, a little more taking chances

A little less fear, a little more courage

Some of these are really big for me. But with little in front of them it feels like I can tackle them. Slowly, bit by bit. More or less.

xx

What would you go a little less of? Or a little more of?

{Gratitude this week for the little changes I am committing to making, for the fears I have decided on facing, and for health - because while it hasn't been in our house much for the past fortnight it almost always is. Elisa xx}

*I have no affiliation with Blackmores. I was just inspired by the concept/ad! 

Out of balance

I had a post ready to go about balancing work and motherhood and my thoughts and feelings as I walked out the door to work...

And then this week happened and it's thrown me. I had the balance of mixing work (from home two days a week) plus study and mothering down pat when it was just one cherub to love and care for each day. But with two cherubs and one point five days a week of paid work I seem to be a little lost.

I've got to-do lists longer than I want to share. And this week I've combined adrenalin-racing spurts of rushed with mindful and still pockets of slow. And I feel like I'm doing a little of everything but not a lot of anything. I do feel like I'm doing these little things well, except maybe the housework...

And this balance curve ball has got me thinking. A lot.
About what I really want.
About what makes my heart sing.
About keeping myself in balance.
About living a life I love.
About what needs to be done. And what really doesn't.
About how I spend my time.
About disconnecting. To reconnect.
About what I can achieve now. And what I can trust there will be time to achieve later.

As I drove home tonight and reached our street I looked up at my favourite tree pausing to watch how its branches play out against the sky, and that's when I realised that sometimes balance needs to get mucked up and turned upside down and tossed about. Just so you can refind balance. Reconnect. Make changes. Start again.

xx

{Grateful for the clarity that came out of a lack of balance, and for work opportunities but mostly for the days I get to spend at home with my girls. Elisa x}

~ Linking with the gratitude community at the 52 Weeks of Grateful

Do you reassess balance? And what's making you most grateful this week? x

Words & Moments {in gratitude}

So much gratitude in my days of late. Recorded in my mind and thoughts as I think a lot about balance and how quickly moments pass and my girls grow. Mostly I'm trying to take each day as it comes, to move slower when things feel rushed. And I'm carefully planning a busy working month ahead to include spaces where we will do nothing extra.

As well as writing my gratitude this week, I'm reminding myself to speak it too. 

Gratitude for:

Stopping - This week has been fast with less pockets of slow than I had hoped for. But each day I've stopped for a minute {sometimes a little more} to just be. Even if it's only to be mesmerised by the sky.
 
Sunset - This week rugged-up my girls and I walked to the park and sat to watch the sun go down, turning to look behind us at the already-up moon.

Creativity - a cardboard box became a baby dolls' bed and my girls couldn't have been happier with their co-sleeping little family. "Sweet dreams babies" miss three whispered as little miss 20 months rubbed their foreheads and kissed them gently.

Photography - I keep noticing little details, and this week I took my camera out to capture them. I'm loving the creativity and stillness it brings. It's beginning to feel a little like meditation.

Photos - On Mother's Day, my dad took photos of me and my gorgeous girls. I keep looking back at them, and can't help but smile.

Yoga - Friday's class reminded me to pause and to witness where I am right now, and to enjoy the journey as well as the destination.

Work - I'm very grateful for the work I have right now. And I'm trusting that with a little nudging balance will sort itself out.

Moments - So many little moments have felt big to my heart this week. I'm giving thanks for all of them.  Especially spending one-on-one time with both my girls. That undivided attention nourishes all of us.

xx

~ Linking with Maxabella's 52 Weeks of Grateful at Kidspot and Deb's {Home Life Simplified} Listmania - a gratitude list this week {my favourite kind}. Elisa x


What's made you feel grateful this week?

Then & now

It seems a lifetime ago that I wasn't a mother. But really it's just three point five years. Life was so very different. I was making changes, heading in the direction my heart is now. Thinking about where I wanted to be, and wondering how life would unravel.

A part of me still wonders about the path my heart chooses, while a part of me tries to soak in life just as it is and not look further than the now.

Balance is tricky. And it's something I'm constantly working at. Some days it feels like I have it sorted, other days it's a little of a mess. But as I move forward and return to work part-time I find I'm reminding myself to witness where I am at any given day, accept that some days will be more productive than others and to stop more often amid the messiness and busy times to just be.

Making it all work is challenging but even on the harder days I'm telling myself that I am indeed making it work and creating {thanks to much support & love} a life I adore.

xx


{When things have got busy these past couple weeks, we've stopped to head outdoors and look up at these golden leaves above. Oh, and I was over at Bec's At Penny Lane on Sunday for her Mums Making It Work series talking a little more about life then & now. Elisa xx}

Do you look back at life then & now? And do you find yourself stopping amid busy times to just be?