I've realised {in the past couple months} that I find it easy to overlook myself in the day-to-day. And the problem with that - with not carving out minutes of your every day solely for you - is that soon those days become weeks, months and you look back and realise you've made loads of plans + let ideas swirl in your head... and that's where they've stayed. As floating ideas and hand-written plans. In a notepad.
I pretty much woke up to this realisation. Just woke up and thought, that's enough.
I realised I don't actually believe in myself as much as I think I do.
I realised that taking a chance on me is damn scary.
I realised that I've been waiting for permission to give more of my heart's writing + soul's stirrings a real go. {Permission from who, I'm not quite sure.}
I realised that now's the time. {Actually, now is always the time.}
I realised that I'm very good at talking myself out of taking a chance.
I realised that even the thought of vulnerability cripples me {used to cripple me}.
I realised that living my truth - writing it, sharing it, speaking it - is where I want to be {always}.
I realised I was giving myself the opposite advice I'd give to my beautiful girls.
I realised if I didn't call myself out on this one. Say "that's enough" and actually mean it, I'd be moving in these circles for many years to come.
And so, I scribbled words down on paper - words + feelings standing in my way. I came up with "taking a chance on me", "trust", "authenticity" + "vulnerability". And I've accepted they're all really good friends, and I no longer want them to be a roadblock in my way.
So I've been breathing my way forward.
This past month has been about pulling back, slowing down and breathing with intention. Focusing on what matters most. And that's meant little time for anything that's not mothering my three + nurturing my heart.
I'm embracing my ideas little by little, and navigating them into existence slowly but surely. And I'm starting before I feel ready. And those little steps I'm taking, it turns out they feel like bounds once you make a few.
xx
Have you taken a chance on yourself lately? Have you started a new project recently? Any lessons on vulnerability you'd like to share?
With big nourishing breaths + much much love, Elisa x
~~~~~~~~ >> FREE PRINTS + MINDFULNESS BUNDLE: Thank you to all the lovely people who have signed up early before my mindfulness bundle + breathe prints are ready! Thank you for taking a chance on me! I've added a couple simple meditations and the bundle is almost ready to send. You can check out what's included here. Elisa xx
~~~~~~~~ >> NEW INSTAGRAM: I've created a new instagram @ohhelloheart that's solely for my writing, mindfulness + meditation. Love you to come say hi! Elisa X
Two whole months and a handful of days into this year and I couldn't keep up. That's after thriving my way through last year. The change in emotion and pace left me unsettled for a long while.
Change entered here in an abundance, add to that a decent dose of overwhelm, the perfectionist in me coming out to play, cue feelings of failure and then replay that overwhelm... and that pretty much summed up the first six months. Each month felt big, then the next month simply followed suit.
Among all this I wondered just how and when surrender {my guiding word this year} would surface and what it would teach me, because it was feeling far off.
Each month I seemed to relearn surrender, reset my rhythm, and reprioritise. I felt oh-so-tested. Continually tested.
And when I look back, I can see I let this feeling keep me away from this space. I'd come back and share, then tell myself that once I got on top of things I'd come back again. But I never really got on top of it.
I saw surrender as calm, a slower pace and quite frankly me at the top of my game, just like the previous year. I didn't see surrender as "giving up". But, it was only once I threw the towel in on my "big plans" and preconceived ideas on how surrender would pan out this year, that surrender arrived.
I found new ways of making space and time for breathing; I spent a lot of this year researching, studying and reading all I could on mindfulness; and I rekindled my meditation practices {finding myself meditating in five minute bursts, and amazed at what a few minutes of heart-centred awareness can create}.
And so this year I've accepted that I'm not as good at surrender as I first thought... I've accepted that it's more than okay to schedule slow {and all that will create slow within my day}... I found myself adding meditate, write and walk to the top of my to-do list. Before all the shoulds and musts. And it turns out prioritising surrender moments is not just about mindfulness and creating a gentle kinder rhythm, but about nurturing my soul. xx
How are you? Did you choose a guiding word this year? What did it teach you, and will you choose one for next year too?
~ I have a bundle of free mindfulness prints ready to send out, and a meditation mini-ebook coming out mid year. You can sign up for them here xx
Towards the end of last year it felt like I was given no choice but to surrender. And still I resisted it.
I had big plans for 2015. Bigger than big plans - a return to study, new work commitments and a few personal projects up my sleeve too, and daily blog writing (ha!)
The universe, of course, had other ideas but did promptly offer me my asked-for serving of big - in the form of our darling Ruby. 2015 was BIG in the best way.
It pushed me to rediscover myself, but mostly reminded me who I am and who I am striving to be.
I got better at letting go of the big {end} picture, instead focusing on doing what I could with what I had.
I came to believe that would be enough. That my best is as much as I can do.
I discovered so much more about trust. And that my intuition is always spot on.
I learnt to ask. And how to let my heart answer.
I improved at listening. And finally accepted that it's hard for me not to talk.
I realised that people like to help. And I realised that I'm pretty good at helping and supporting myself.
I discovered that in doing less, I am able to give more. And in surrendering to this, I have felt more alive than I ever have.
Almost two weeks ago I caught myself holding my breath. As I exhaled, the word surrender rolled off my tongue.
I knew immediately it was my one word for this year. My reminder to go slowly, to be present, to be kinder to myself.
xx
Have you chosen one word to guide your year? Do you set intentions? I'd love to know. Elisa x
~ Sharing my one word with Bron at Maxabella Loves here.
~ I'm excited to be finally putting my meditation training to good use this year. I'll be creating and soon sending out {monthly is the plan!} some free mindful word/photography prints, plus affirmations and journalling/meditation practices and prompts to go with them. If that sounds like your thing, feel free to add your email address via the form here.
We escaped a little further down the coast. I did a lot of thinking on our drive there. And promptly abandoned thinking when we arrived. It's amazing how much more you can see and feel once you surrender.
xx
{This is image 21/52 in my by the sea series - miss two doing some thinking of her own. And sending out the biggest thank you for the beautiful comments on my last post. Elisa x}
Some days I just know I should scrap the first line off my to-do list and replace it with just breathe. Today was one of those. And just breathe I did. Here. And to the sound of softly crashing waves.
xx
The past four years have been full of doors closing, doors opening and me spending a while searching for said doors.
This past month I saw two doors open, and one close just as quickly as it opened.
It threw me a bit. Until I remembered the time I spent wondering and waiting for open doors last year.
That's when I deciding on letting it go. Choosing surrender. And trust.
I've learnt that time won't move any faster no matter how much I push.
I've learnt to trust in my abilities and to believe in opportunities. And to remind myself of that when self-doubt creeps in.
I've learnt to take a step in the direction of making my own dreams come true.
And I've learnt to trust that when one door closes another will eventually open. At the perfect time.
xx
Do you believe when one door closes another opens?
After weeks of taking things intentionally back a step, and letting our unscripted days unfold in the gentlest ways, the pace of our days has gained a momentum quicker than I hoped.
I'm fitting in work hours in almost all my spare moments. And I'm squeezing in just enough time for work to be grateful that this work is being offered to me, and to be grateful for all the minutes of my days that are spent doing things I love with the people I love and letting my soul shine.
Our week of slow, family time {and my lack of a mobile phone and internet connection for four days} offered so much clarity, but also left me with questions and decisions to make.
Some are made, some I'm letting unfold slowly, gradually, in time. It's taking a whole lot of mindpower and trust to surrender control. But I am. Slowly.
And I keep telling myself that this is life: sometimes crazily busy, always emotion-filled, and slow and mindful at other times. And I remind myself each and every moment is part of a rhythm. And it's about creating pockets in each day that are filled with the rhythms I dance to best.
xx
{Image above captured while lying in the grass watching my two little loves dance and explore. Elisa x}
How are the rhythms of your days of late? And what are you most grateful for today? x
~ Linking with the 52 Weeks of Grateful at Kylie's, and the Weekend Rewind at Maxabella's.
Right when I didn't think my days could get any
busier this past week they did.
And with that busyness I displayed some of my least
favourite traits of overwhelmed and frustration.
I keep reminding myself to feel it and let it go.
But sometimes it doesn't happen that effortlessly
though.
And so I whisper to myself: a little less thinking, a little more surrendering. And:
this too shall pass.
Then I step outside. And look up at the sky.
It's shown me all its emotions too this week:
stormy, overcast, illuminated by sunset, blue and sunshine filled, cloud
scattered and grey.
And it's in that one minute that I step outside,
surrender becomes me.
I stop, see, hear, feel. I witness the sky and I
witness myself.
Then I give thanks.
It's just a minute. And that minute is my antidote
to busy and rushed.
xx
{Yesterday I stopped twice to look to the sky and
surrender my thoughts, once at home, the other at the beach. The sky and the
waves were mesmerising. This minute of sky watching was my inspiration for this print. It's become a ritual in my days. Elisa x}
How do you slow down and surrender on the busiest of weeks? And do you look
to the sky?
Nine months living here in our new house and only last weekend did I explore the bushland reserve at the end of our street. Despite walking together often, for some reason I just hadn't ventured that far. Miss three had been exploring there a few times before though with her Dad, and so she happily led the way to "the forest".
And although homes are still close by, there was a coolness and a calm that came with being surrounded by trees, bush and scrub and walking with mud, twigs and stones underfoot.
I kept looking through the tree branches at the sky peeking through. Sometimes a clouded white, other times the brightest blue tainted with spots of stormy grey. It was as though the sky wasn't sure how it was feeling. And neither was I actually. A part of me just wanted to rest and be left alone, a part of felt a little run-down, and another part of me wanted to be busy and move ahead and on to the next thing on my to-do list. I was feeling exhausted, disorganised and a tad overwhelmed.
But I settled on surrendering to the moment, heading outdoors and letting miss three lead our way. I decided not to check the time as we went or to think about what needed to be done or where we soon needed to be.
We walked in circles, backtracked and then ran paces ahead. Looking to the sky together, we wondered about where the drifting clouds were headed. We paused to listen to the birds singing, to collect twigs and look for the brightest shades of green and new life in the bush.
In letting my little one set the pace, I found myself slowing down, letting go and surrendering to the moment, and embracing her curiosity. In those moments of just us, nature and that winter sky, my head stopped spinning. And I saw her and me and us together much clearer than before.
xx
Do you like to walk in nature? Does it bring you clarity? And do you {like me} find you sometimes need a reminder to surrender, let go and just be?
