Ruby // sixteen weeks later

Our darling baby girl arrived in a whirlwind 16 weeks ago now. It felt as though the wait to this point in the pregnancy had been so very long; the last weeks drawn out with a mixture of exhaustion, stress, soreness and anticipation. 

On Ruby's day I spent the morning and then later in the afternoon with a new feeling, a shift within me - a knowing that our time was soon; and as though cradling me in support the universe saw that five friends sent messages of love and support in those 24 hours before labour began. 

The two days prior I spent in quiet anticipation - making time for reading, yoga, meditation; turning away from social media, walking solo and slowly, and finding myself in conversations that spoke of beauty, wonder, divine timing and support. I felt grateful and ridiculously tired. I thanked and praised my body for growing my baby and supporting us both. I slept a lot. 

That night I went to bed before our two girls. My exhaustion had reached a higher level and it felt like I had no choice but to stop, rest and sleep. In bed I placed a hand on my heart and one on my belly and I tried so hard to hold onto the feeling of my baby girl within me and send her my love. I meditated and drifted into sleep. 

A few hours later our journey to each other began. And after just three hours of intense labour she was safe in my arms. I birthed our baby girl surrounded by my husband and four amazing, strong, calm, confident and loving women. I felt supported and loved. For this, and to them, I am forever grateful. 

In those three hours of labour I heard "You've got this!" from four different people - said with confidence in me, my baby and my body. It became my mantra. And it's stayed with me these past four months. It's stirred a quiet confidence within me. A trust I've never felt before. A trust in the part of me that is home: heart & soul.

And so for the past four months I've lived in a little cocoon with our Ruby - doing what needs to be done, and little extra. I've thought about writing sooner, tried twice but then retreated back to the busyness of loving my three babes. It's a beautiful space, right here right now... and I haven't wanted to venture further til now. I didn't give myself this time or space or allow myself to feel this joy in the early days with the other two girls. And I'm oh so grateful I have this time round. Part of me wants to stay here, and another part of me is ready to emerge, calling me to write again. Slowly, slowly.   

xxxx 

~ A big thank you so so much too for the beautiful messages of congratulations, love and support I have received on the arrival of our baby girl when I shared the news on facebook and instagram, So very grateful. Elisa xx 

Inhale, exhale ~ 15/52

It's been pre-winter colds in our house this past week. And whenever that happens I'm so very conscious of how much I can't breathe. Breathing is such a big part of the meditation I do, and when my breath is short and struggling I feel it more than ever. By the sea this week was just a few minutes stopping here on our drive home. But it was enough time to inhale and exhale, and give thanks for being able to breathe big full beautiful breaths once again.

xx

What are you most grateful for today?  

>> Interested in receiving my free mindfulness prints and "breathe" meditation eBook? I can't wait to soon send them your way. You can sign up for them here. <<   

By the sea ~ 4/52

Watching the water from inside the car.  Admiring my favourite combination of greens and blue.  My two babes sound asleep in the back.  Listening to the sound of my breath.  Giving thanks for the few minutes I'm taking to stop and just be, for a morning filled with the sound of laughter, for conversations that get you thinking in an inspired kind of way and for finally embracing time enough to give a little dream a real go.

xx

What are you most grateful for today?

This is life

After weeks of taking things intentionally back a step, and letting our unscripted days unfold in the gentlest ways, the pace of our days has gained a momentum quicker than I hoped.

I'm fitting in work hours in almost all my spare moments. And I'm squeezing in just enough time for work to be grateful that this work is being offered to me, and to be grateful for all the minutes of my days that are spent doing things I love with the people I love and letting my soul shine.

Our week of slow, family time {and my lack of a mobile phone and internet connection for four days} offered so much clarity, but also left me with questions and decisions to make.

Some are made, some I'm letting unfold slowly, gradually, in time. It's taking a whole lot of mindpower and trust to surrender control. But I am. Slowly.

And I keep telling myself that this is life: sometimes crazily busy, always emotion-filled, and slow and mindful at other times. And I remind myself each and every moment is part of a rhythm. And it's about creating pockets in each day that are filled with the rhythms I dance to best.

xx

{Image above captured while lying in the grass watching my two little loves dance and explore. Elisa x} 

How are the rhythms of your days of late? And what are you most grateful for today? x

~ Linking with the 52 Weeks of Grateful at Kylie's, and the Weekend Rewind at Maxabella's.

Thoughts on Motherhood

I have changed and grown so much as a person since becoming a mother. Just as much as my girls have grown I'd say.

At times I've been challenged by the enormity of change and learning motherhood has presented, and other times I feel I've grown effortlessly and wondrously.

Inspired by motherhood, I'm inching closer and closer into the me I want to be.

Josie asked me to write for her Mothers on Motherhood series this month. And it encouraged me to reflect further on my motherhood journey, to look back at how far we've come and give thanks for the abundance of love we've created.

You can read my post on motherhood {as I experience it} here.

xx

To the mothers: Do you stop to look back and reflect on your mothering journey? x

Falling into place

An idea wondered about for long enough that it becomes a dream.

A dream given time and action, enough for it to become a possibility.

Work that's fun and creative, work that's part-love, part-new, part-adventure. Work that's not work at all really.

But work is done and plans are made. And still she wonders if she should let this little dream see the day.

Just one little idea, she could so easily throw away.

She ponders that option, and then she considers giving it a chance to thrive.

And so she plants that little dream like a seed into her creative soul, and she nurtures it with a little love, a load of fun and allows it a spark of possibility.

The universe responds with lashings of support, whispers of encouragement. She feels surprised, and grateful.

And she watches how her creations grow, at the same time threatening to make it all come tumbling down.

And then amid hesitation and thoughts of failure and embarrassment, she halters. She thinks, what if they like it as much as I do? What if they think it's ... good?

And then a little voice from deep within her yells "You can do this" and "It's okay to try something new."

And as she thinks about those words her concentration slips. She dips out of her doubting mind and into a soul that knows how to soar and a heart that dares to dream...

She floats there for long enough to offer life and her dreams {even the little ones} a real go.

She decides in herself to believe.

She decides to stand back and stand out of the way.

And just like that, it all falls into place.

xx


{I've been on a little journey of sorts this past few months. Having a battle of heart and mind, pondering dreams and dreaming when I'm not. Yesterday I opened a little shop to accompany my blog. It's a bit of fun, and my kind of creative. But as the story goes, it's taught me a lesson or two in stepping out of my comfort zone, and away from fear. Feel free to check out my word-art prints ~ inspired by the stories on this blog ~ here. And I'll write a proper introduction for this little venture soon... :) Elisa xx}


How do you feel about stepping out of your comfort zone? When was the last time you gave something new a go?

 

A hand to hold mine

I planned on sneaking away at 10.45am today to the Remembrance Day service where we live. I didn't plan on having a three year old and one year old with me. But that's how it turned out.
And I'm glad because it was nice to hold my little girls' hand while I cried.
It doesn't take much to make me cry. I cry at the happiest of times. But something happens when I'm at a commemorative service like this. The emotion wells and stirs inside me.
Maybe because I can't fathom war. Maybe it's the silence.
I tried to explain to my three year old while we were there.
The end of the First World War, wasn't going to cut it. Nor was to remember the soldiers who have passed while serving our country.
So I went with: "There was a really big fight and everyone was sad, then the fight ended and everyone was happy and at peace again. So we're going to celebrate the peace with lots of other people".
"To a party? Will there be candles?" she asked.
"No, not exactly. But there will be a flame, and flowers and a trumpet too".
And so she watched closely at all the people there, and asked for a red flower and when it would be her turn to play the trumpet.
And she held my hand, and I held hers.
I let my tears free when I heard these words: We remember those who returned, wounded in body, mind and soul.
And I gave thanks for peace. And love. And a hand to hold mine.
xx

　
>> Interested in receiving my free mindfulness prints and "breathe" meditation eBook? I can't wait to soon send them your way. You can sign up for them here. <<   　

Looking at you, when you're not looking at me

I had a relaxed Mother's Day. No running around like a crazy woman. Like a few of my recent days. And like most of my other Mother's Days. It was just what I wanted, exactly what I needed.

There was a big breakfast at home, a nap during the day, cuddles in the bed, tickling and laughter, giggles and baby babble, surprise roses and my husband's always-perfect roast for dinner.

It was my first Mother's Day with my littlest girl. And I spent a lot of today, just watching her - her smiles at her big sister, her 'dada' squeals at her father, her concentration as she willed her body to reach reach reach for her sister's toy blocks, her look of surprise as she rolled over when she reached that little too far.

I spent a lot of today just cherishing my two little girls from near and afar. And looking at them when they weren't looking at me.

I was a little in awe at their beauty, their love, their happiness, their soft skin, their giggles, their touch. And I kept thinking, "Wow, they're ours".

I tried to explain this to my husband, but he didn't need to talk or think about it, he just gets it.

Today looking at them when they weren't looking at me left me a little breathless. Breathless, and in awe, and in gratitude. Because these two little girls make my days {and sometimes break them too}, they've showed me a pure love {I didn't know existed}, and they challenge me to be a better me {every single day}.

Elisa xx

It's the colour of yellow tulips

Gratitude keeps surprising me. I think it's waiting for me while I sleep.

I keep thinking about it. And when I'm not thinking about it, I feel it.

Until recently, I cringed at gratitude. Because I didn't think I did grateful well.

So I put gratitude (together with effortlessness, calm and wonder) out there into the cosmos, in the hope it would find me.

And now I'm writing about gratitude, in the hope it will become me.

In the hope I will soon happily call myself effortlessly grateful.

For today, I'm meditating on what grateful is to me...

Grateful is the colour of yellow tulips.
Grateful is accepting the compliment.
Grateful is saying thank you, before you help me out.
Grateful is not looking away from my reflection in the mirror.
Grateful is I love you.
Grateful is appreciating the meal before the first bite.
Grateful is handwritten thank-you notes.
Grateful is asking how are you?, when I know the answer.
Grateful is the sound of laughter.
Grateful is breathing in fresh air, and then smiling at it.
Grateful is thinking I'd be lost without you, and then saying it.

Elisa xx


{Linking with Kidspot's 52 weeks of Grateful, hosted by Maxabella Loves}

{image via Stockvault}

What does grateful mean to you?
{Please do add to my list of gratefuls xx} 

Five minutes to grateful... no long waits in between.

 

Love & gratitude: I want to hold you this close forever
{pic by me}

I watched a youtube clip last night. It only went for five minutes. But it's done something to me.

Changed me? Maybe. I'm not sure. I think so.
Moved me? Definitely. Something's shifted.

I watched it and I cried. I watched it and I held my baby closer.
All the while I kissed her softly a hundred times. And then a hundred more.

Because every day I get to see her, and love her. I get to watch her squirm and reach for her toys, and make her cute little baby noises. Every day I get to pull funny faces and blow raspberries on her tummy, just so I can hear her laugh.

And every day I get to hold her big sister's hand as we skip down the hallway. I get to roll with her on the carpet, crawl through tunnels and practise our yoga. I get to build towers of blocks with her, dance to nursery rhymes, read the same story book 10 times and cuddle.

Every day I cook three variations of the one meal for dinner, I clean baby vomit and a toddler's spilt milk. I pick sultanas up off the floor and I shower with a two year old.

Every day I relax a little extra when my hubby walks through the front door. And every day I look forward to the moment I can slip into bed and rest my head on his shoulder, and look up into his eyes.

And I can't imagine one day when all this isn't my reality. I never want to.

I watched this clip and I cried. It showed U.S. soldiers returning home from duty and suprising their children. The expressions on the children's faces... overcome with love, excitement, love, happiness, love, wonder, joy, love.

I watched and I felt overwhelmed. But mostly I felt grateful. Grateful that I get to look into my babies' eyes every day, no long waits in between. Grateful that I get to look into the eyes of the man I love every night, no long waits in between.

Below is the youtube clip. I think you may cry watching it too. But if it makes you a tiny bit extra grateful, that's not so bad is it?

Elisa xx

{You can watch "Soldiers Surprising Their Loved Ones" here. I stumbled on this via Mamamia. And I'm grateful it was there xx}

{Oh, and I'm joining Kidspot's 52 Weeks of Grateful project this week - a link-up of grateful blog posts. You can find it here. I'll write about why I'm taking part soon.}

What are you feeling grateful for today?


>> Interested in receiving my free mindfulness prints and "breathe" meditation eBook? I can't wait to soon send them your way. You can sign up for them here. <<