A few weeks ago, and then again last night, I found myself scrolling through job advertisements, pondering roles that looked amazing and that I ticked all the boxes for in terms of experience/skill... but roles I don't actually want and couldn't possibly do right now as a mum to my three girls. So why waste my times reading all those position descriptions? Because dreams.
I've been dreaming vividly about various roles I could hold, books I could write, websites that could inspire, visions I could create. Dreaming and waiting. And wondering when the time to begin will begin... All the while finding myself so very much in the here and now, consumed with where we are at. Savouring these moments, but unable to stop the dreaming...
Then, in the past few weeks, these three things have happened.
1. I text a friend the job roles I couldn't apply for but she could; and was reminded that where I am is pretty damn amazing. Mum to three beautiful girls; an abundance of love and beautifully messy days.
2. While clearing old papers, I found a single scroll tied with pink ribbon. I knew what it was immediately. A wish. One of three wishes. I'd created them seven years and two houses ago, before becoming a mum and after reading a novel about a year of wish making. I opened the scroll and read: "I wish my three beautiful babies into existence." I don't think it's a coincidence that just one scroll and that particular one {my wish come true} was there waiting to be found. And I have no idea what has happened to the other two, or what I wished for.
3. A random memory popped into my thoughts this morning. Fifteen-year-old me hearing about dreams that stayed dreams; and being urged to try all that I wished for. I was sure I'd blogged about it, so looked it up and yes it's here. Turns out I've been back in that place, and almost two years to the date.
So, this past fortnight I've given myself time to write, when the baby sleeps, at night before bed... whenever the smallest window of time appears. I've let ideas fly, words flow and my heart soar. And I realised there's never a perfect time to begin, there's just now. And so I began once more.
xx
Do you have a dream? Or, like me, are you forever dreaming? And have you begun? Elisa x
~ A loving thank you to those who have added their email here for the free prints and meditation/mindfulness resources I'll be sending out this year! I'm working on them in between mothering my three beautiful girls and while it's taking much longer than I hoped and promised, I'm choosing to trust time and so excited to soon send you a bundle of love and mindfulness {prints, words and meditation/mindfulness resources} from my heart and inspired by my meditation training and home practices. Elisa xx
With sick lingering here for longer than I would have thought {much longer than I'm happy about}, there's been a whole lot of home time and pretty much no script to our days.
I wake up and wonder what the day will bring, and I throw up a couple of options out and see what the little misses like best.
Sometimes we do a whole lot of nothing. Lying on the ground reading books, and lying on the ground with them lying on me.
We bake our bread together. I plan nutritious immune-boosing meals for our days, and my girls make soup {to make us all feel better} in their play kitchen.
But often we make our way to the beach. Miss three requests visits to the water, almost as much as my heart does.
When it rains we watch the waves from the car. And when it's windy, we make our way to the lookout. If it's sunny, we'll run on the sand or watch the sun dancing on the water from afar.
On Wednesdays we keep heading to the market, and wander rugged up down the street.
We buy daffodils and jonquils, and I sip hot chocolate while the girls play at the park.
And every night {after reading their two favourite books} my angels fall asleep in my arms.
And then I find myself getting out of bed to finish work commitments, but not getting to write from {and for} my heart.
We haven't seen much of the people we love to see this past month, we haven't had the out-and-about rushed that comes with normal weeks and I haven't been afforded the time to hit the publish button when I do write.
But always before I fall asleep I notice how our unscripted days of late are filled with heart moments.
And while at times I feel like I haven't been able to catch my breath, I think in a way it's what I needed.
Because in the not-knowing and the lack of planning, I've been propelled to move further out of my comfort zone, be even more selective with my time, to trust and move further in the direction of my heart.
So many things have been thrown up in the air this month, but it's starting to feel like that only happened so things could land the right way up.
xx
How have your days been of late? Do you stop to notice all the heart moments collected throughout your week?
We've been making plans.
Some little {and mostly spontaneous too}: a walk in the forest, a drive down the coast, going somewhere new...
But some are bigger. A holiday for our little family of four. Day trips and weekends away.
We're finding even more places to explore. And instead of our usual thinking {and wondering} about when the time might be right to go there, we're just doing it.
That means mixing up routines a little, and as that happens I'm witnessing the rhythm of our days move from bursts of fast to pockets of slow {and that's okay}.
Time feels full of so much wonder and joy when we make it ours. And for the first time in a long while, it feels like we're getting more time {together} too.
xx
{Grateful for the new discoveries we're sharing and time spent together. We're working our way through our little list quite nicely. I checked in with it yesterday and smiled at all the memories we've made. And of course, after a week of slow and nothing new, this week has been big with lashings of chaos thrown in. Because life can. And because I needed the reminder that things come and go, but gratitude remains steady if I choose it. Elisa x}
~ Joining late with the 52 Weeks of Grateful at here.
What are you most grateful for today? x
An idea wondered about for long enough that it becomes a dream.
A dream given time and action, enough for it to become a possibility.
Work that's fun and creative, work that's part-love, part-new, part-adventure. Work that's not work at all really.
But work is done and plans are made. And still she wonders if she should let this little dream see the day.
Just one little idea, she could so easily throw away.
She ponders that option, and then she considers giving it a chance to thrive.
And so she plants that little dream like a seed into her creative soul, and she nurtures it with a little love, a load of fun and allows it a spark of possibility.
The universe responds with lashings of support, whispers of encouragement. She feels surprised, and grateful.
And she watches how her creations grow, at the same time threatening to make it all come tumbling down.
And then amid hesitation and thoughts of failure and embarrassment, she halters. She thinks, what if they like it as much as I do? What if they think it's ... good?
And then a little voice from deep within her yells "You can do this" and "It's okay to try something new."
And as she thinks about those words her concentration slips. She dips out of her doubting mind and into a soul that knows how to soar and a heart that dares to dream...
She floats there for long enough to offer life and her dreams {even the little ones} a real go.
She decides in herself to believe.
She decides to stand back and stand out of the way.
And just like that, it all falls into place.
xx
{I've been on a little journey of sorts this past few months. Having a battle of heart and mind, pondering dreams and dreaming when I'm not. Yesterday I opened a little shop to accompany my blog. It's a bit of fun, and my kind of creative. But as the story goes, it's taught me a lesson or two in stepping out of my comfort zone, and away from fear. Feel free to check out my word-art prints ~ inspired by the stories on this blog ~ here. And I'll write a proper introduction for this little venture soon... :) Elisa xx}
How do you feel about stepping out of your comfort zone? When was the last time you gave something new a go?
