Clarity

Last year felt murky, messy and ferocious. I struggled processing emotions, and I held on too long when I could have been letting go. At times it felt like I was submerged, other times fighting to stay afloat, all the while consumed by the necessary and emotion-processing, struggling to be free.

But I got there. Though all that muck. And I broke every rule I had created for myself along the way. And I began thinking that the reason I had arrived at this place of resentment and isolation, was perhaps because of all these "rules" I created in the first place.

Last week, with the kids back at school, I went to the sea solo with a plan to swim. The weather was warm but mild and the humidity high, the sky clouded over and the sea looked murky, messy and ferocious - just like my past year. 

My first thought on arriving was how beautiful the sea is, no matter what mood it shows up in on any given day. 

My second thought? I don't swim on cloud-cover, big-wave days. And then I caught myself touting rules again, and wondered when I made up that one. Time to break it, was my next thought.

And so I dived in. And swam solo for thirty minutes, letting the waves push me back into shore. Letting go of any thoughts I was holding on to. And I felt free. Clear, lighter, supported and free.

And that one swim, despite being a month into the year, felt a lot like me giving myself permission to begin again.

To take charge and see ideas become actions.
To break more rules that, on second thoughts, didn't even serve me that well when they were created.
To write, and actually hit publish.
To freely be me, and to simply just be. 

Clarity. It took jumping into a cold and windy sea to get me there. 

xx

Here's to writing and sharing here much much more! How are you? What are your plans for this year? And are you a rule-breaker? Elisa xx

About motherhood...

Today I spoke a reflection and celebration of motherhood, baring my heart and soul, allowing myself to be oh-so vulnerable in front of my children's school community. Trusting and hoping my words would resonate. They did, and for that I'm incredibly grateful. This post is the words I spoke. Elisa x

Motherhood is by far the best thing to happen to me. It’s also, by far, the most challenging.  

When I was asked to speak on motherhood here today, I started doing a stack of research. And by research I mean talking. So lots of talking. Talking about motherhood - what makes it amazing, what makes it tough. I’ve spoken to mums at school, friends and family, women here at weekend mass, a lot of random mums at the supermarket… I’ve chatted to whoever stops to comment on our spunky miss two and I get stopped often. And all that talking - sorry, research - has only backed up my observations and speculations after 7.5 years of on the job training as a mum. My conclusion is motherhood is amazing, breathtaking, heart-expanding, wondrous, joyous, funny and incredibly precious. It’s also challenging, exhausting, tough and an endless learning curve. In short, my research has found that motherhood is as beautiful as it is messy.

Motherhood is a beautiful mess.

A beautiful mess. I really do think this sums it up.
So much beauty, so much love, so many little moments that feel oh so big to your heart.
But the mess.  Yes, there’s the physical mess, but it’s mostly the emotional mess that stands out over time.
The fierce protectiveness that comes with wanting the best and only good to come the way of your child.
That deep immobilising guilt that comes with wondering if you’ve done enough, given enough, shared enough. The guilt that comes with striving for balance, and feeling like you’re falling short.
Then there’s fear and worry - of what you don’t know, and of what you do.

There’s always some sort of mess going on. But I’m putting it out there that underneath the mess, there’s beauty to be found. At the end of the messiest days, I think we can all sit back and find a little beauty, a little gratitude.

The beauty and the mess balance each other. And I think we need both to grow.

It’s the beauty that helps us see past the fear, to flip it.

As mothers, we can choose to love harder when fear and protectiveness present.
We can choose self-kindness - to see what we are doing well, to praise our efforts in motherhood - when guilt rears it’s ugly head.

And when worry, fear and uncertainty boil to the surface, we can calm them with faith. Faith in God. Faith in family. Faith in ourselves, our hearts. Faith in our kids, their hearts. And faith in the community here to which we all belong.

Motherhood is to love, and be loved.

I woke up the other day to find my miss seven asleep tucked under one arm, miss five tucked under the other and my baby {now two years old} asleep on my chest. It was bliss, but I was reminded in this moment that people often say to me, say to mothers, “You have your hands full”. I certainly did at this time; I certainly do. But what I don’t say back, and often want to is, “Yes, my hands are full, but you should see my heart.” Love, I think, is the best gift of motherhood. I had no idea I could love so much or be so loved until I became a mother.  

One thing I know for sure is Motherhood means learning.

And the learning never stops.
Because motherhood isn’t for mastering. It’s for growing, learning and evolving with our kids.

I know I’m kinder to myself, because I’m a mother.
Healthier, because I’m a mother.
Have felt more love than I knew existed in this world, because I’m a mother.

And I’m a better version of me, because I’m a mother.

And about mothering... I wanted to share something important to me. I believe some of us are born to be mothers, but having children isn't the only way to mother. We can mother our sisters, our friends, our own mothers, someone else's children. Mothering isn't defined by gender or our ability to bear a child. It's something we can all do. For each other. It's nurture, it's kindness, it's love. I believe that sometimes all we really need is to be a mother to ourselves. But what I know is when you hold this space as a mother - for your children, for someone else's children, for your sister, your friend, for your partner ... when you mother, you are someone's whole world. 

xxxx

Wishing the happiest day to all mums, to everyone who mothers and to those who support us in mothering. With love, Elisa x {In Australia, this Sunday marks our celebration of Mother's Day.}

***I have a new Instagram account! Find me at @ohhelloheart + I will be launching free breathe prints + meditation/mindfulness resources at the end of the month via here xx

***Photo by Sam Natoli Photography

Deciding on less and more

I can easily write a lengthy list of what I want more of. For some reason, more seems to strike a chord... and it makes me focus on what I don't have. But when I bring less into the equation, the opposite presents. I find myself dwelling on what I don't need, what I can discard, what I truly need to be happy {and it turns out that's not many things at all}. 

In learning the art of balance and in a bid for clarity, I write my more or less list each year. It begins with a fair bit of thought, but eventually the words just roll onto the page, unfolding into a manifesto of sorts that resonates with my heart. Here it is.

Less screens, more books
Less sugar, more protein
Less procrastination, more meditation
Less talking, more listening
Less worry, more gratitude
Less criticism, more praise
Less fear, more love
Less rushing, more moments
Less doing, more just being

xx

Will you give the less and more list a go? Do you do a similar exercise, and has it helped you? Love to know your thoughts. Leave me a message or link below or even shoot me an email if you create your own list. I'd love to have a read. Elisa xx 


~~~~~~~~ Love some free prints and affirmations to inspire your everyday? You can leave your email here! Can not wait to send this bundle of mindfulness prints + affirmations to you next month. Elisa xx ~~~~~~~~ 

Oh, here I am. No longer on hold.

Ever sit back and think how'd I get here? When doing what simply needs to be done becomes your everyday, and then months later you find yourself doing that something you love and think "Here I am! This is me. I'm doing what I love, where time feels limitless, and my heart just knows how to soar!" 

Has this happened to you? The putting yourself on hold? And then you notice that limitless feeling when you're doing what you love? When you're doing whatever it is that puts you in your flow, where time is lost, where seconds join into one big heart moment and you realise that being you is enough. Always was. And then you wonder why you spent so long striving to do more of the everyday, but less of what you love...

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that at some point in the past year I put that part of me {my self nourishment, my creativity, my heart work} on the shelf. I could see it sitting there, but thought, "No, not today, not tomorrow, not now. I'm too busy with everything. No, you can sit right there and look pretty. I know you're there, but no, not right now. You can wait."

And the more that part of me that is my creativity, my soul, my heart {the part of me that I give best to the world} called out, the more I said, "Oh thanks for the reminder, but you'll just have to be a memory right now. A lovely memory, yes. But a memory because I'm too busy keeping a clean house, a happy home and nurturing my three little ones - best things to ever happen to me! And no you just don't make the cut right now."

And then people were asking me about my writing - Was I still writing? Why wasn't I still writing? And the whole while I was thinking but not saying, "Can't they see how busy I am?" 

And then somehow, by some trick of nature I ended up opening this part of me again by mistake. I said yes to a friend, "Oh, of course I can help out, share my words, share my wisdom..." when I meant to say, "No, I'm far too busy, and I've put that part of me on the shelf for a while..."

And so I reluctantly opened me up, and long behold the creativity hadn't dried up! Not one bit. It came pouring out, flooding actually. 

And here I am taking every moment I can to type or scribble away {letting my heart's words be free} ignoring my thoughts that suggest I should be doing something "useful", because it turns out this is the part of me that is meant to be free all.the.time. 

Last month {after weeks of consciously choosing to let myself write again} I woke up {that should read was woken up every early by three very-awake little girls demanding breakfast} and I noticed I felt renewed, so very alive. I knew instantly what had changed. I'd started writing again, writing for me, writing from my heart. As I walked into the kitchen, my miss six took one look at me, and her big brown eyes grew bigger, "You look different. Good different. I like it." And that's reason enough for me to continue giving space to this part of me. I like it too.

xx

Do you feel limitless when you create? What makes you feel alive? And have you done this before - put a part of you on hold? I do think at times other events take priority and we need to, but perhaps just not for too long... or perhaps this long was just enough? Elisa x

Here and now

I have been so very aware of the here and now this past month. My here and now. Their here and now. Our here and now. 

Aware and in tune with the three little hearts that have a forever hold on mine. 

I feel myself watching them grow from a distance. Stepping back a little so I can really see.

And then, because that distance can never last more than a minute, all at once I'm up close... taking in their every word and emotion... holding little hands, stroking chubby cheeks, reading make-believe adventure books aloud, listening attentively to jumbled so-much-to-tell-you stories, brushing long brown unruly hair... all the while looking into big deep brown eyes that sparkle with a wonder, curiosity, joy and love that I desperately want to know more about. 

Change has been thrust upon us. So much change. New patterns, new people, new places. I felt lost, overwhelmed, unsure. And so I took a deep breath, and consciously slowed my pace. And they've slowed to join my rhythm. 

In this new-found presence, it feels like we've fallen in love all over again. It feels like despite the daily rush, we have a little hold on time. We've fallen into our rhythm, one that ebbs and flows in a way that feels much much better than okay.

And so, discarded autumn leaves have been transformed into fairy crowns // drawing has become a family affair // the smallest of outings now stand strong as bright big love-filled heart-thumping memories and our snuggled-in-bed chatter has lingered too late for a school night {but how I secretly love that they both always have more to say}. 

And I've found myself the collector of heart moments, trying desperately to tuck all these memories deep within me in a place where I won't forget the words, emotions and expressions... From here is where I begin to write, and from here is where I end my day {in thanks}. 

xx

It's been quite a while between posts. I've been so consumed with my here and now, making what's felt like such big decisions, and trying so desperately to stay present for my three girls that I've pulled away from this creative space I love. I'm so happy to be back. How have you been? How is your here and now? Much love, Elisa x 

~ Still working away at the free prints & meditation resources I'll be sending out soon! I'll be sure to post when they're ready, but you can sign up for them early here too. 

Dreaming and beginning

A few weeks ago, and then again last night, I found myself scrolling through job advertisements, pondering roles that looked amazing and that I ticked all the boxes for in terms of experience/skill... but roles I don't actually want and couldn't possibly do right now as a mum to my three girls. So why waste my times reading all those position descriptions? Because dreams. 

I've been dreaming vividly about various roles I could hold, books I could write, websites that could inspire, visions I could create. Dreaming and waiting. And wondering when the time to begin will begin... All the while finding myself so very much in the here and now, consumed with where we are at. Savouring these moments, but unable to stop the dreaming...

Then, in the past few weeks, these three things have happened. 

1. I text a friend the job roles I couldn't apply for but she could; and was reminded that where I am is pretty damn amazing. Mum to three beautiful girls; an abundance of love and beautifully messy days. 

2. While clearing old papers, I found a single scroll tied with pink ribbon. I knew what it was immediately. A wish. One of three wishes. I'd created them seven years and two houses ago, before becoming a mum and after reading a novel about a year of wish making. I opened the scroll and read: "I wish my three beautiful babies into existence." I don't think it's a coincidence that just one scroll and that particular one {my wish come true} was there waiting to be found. And I have no idea what has happened to the other two, or what I wished for.

3. A random memory popped into my thoughts this morning. Fifteen-year-old me hearing about dreams that stayed dreams; and being urged to try all that I wished for. I was sure I'd blogged about it, so looked it up and yes it's here. Turns out I've been back in that place, and almost two years to the date. 

So, this past fortnight I've given myself time to write, when the baby sleeps, at night before bed... whenever the smallest window of time appears. I've let ideas fly, words flow and my heart soar. And I realised there's never a perfect time to begin, there's just now. And so I began once more. 

xx

Do you have a dream? Or, like me, are you forever dreaming? And have you begun? Elisa x


~ A loving thank you to those who have added their email here for the free prints and meditation/mindfulness resources I'll be sending out this year! I'm working on them in between mothering my three beautiful girls and while it's taking much longer than I hoped and promised, I'm choosing to trust time and so excited to soon send you a bundle of love and mindfulness {prints, words and meditation/mindfulness resources} from my heart and inspired by my meditation training and home practices. Elisa xx

Eight years to calm

Almost eight years ago I was told that part of my destiny was to learn calm. To be calm. Might not sound like such a feat but at the time I had just emerged from severe exhaustion and ever-slowly out of what felt like an all-consuming frantic auto-immune disease and back into health. I was still recovering, and learning so much about my body and what worked and didn't work for me. 

I knew the opposite of calm had got me to that state. I knew I was learning calm. Very slowly. I was better at creating calm. But to be calm? That seemed impossible to me. And being told my destiny involved this invoked tears. Because what was calm anyway? And how? Staying healthy seemed so hard. Tell me how to be calm, I begged. 

Just the thought of having to somehow find calm as a natural state made me much less than calm. But of course, that was the whole point. Calm can't be controlled or manipulated. Calm just is. It can be invited though. And created, and embraced. And the instant this dawned on me, I surrendered - and all at once gave up on pushing myself to be the me I needed to be to remain healthy. 

Instead I focused on what felt happy to me, instead of doing and moving all the time I stayed still and breathed (and it was hard at first), I pulled away from anything that might equal busy which meant learning to say no (and that was especially hard for me). I read a lot, I spoke to a lot of people, I researched, I tried new ways of being/eating/moving and learnt so so much. And most definitely the eight years to this point right now (insert three babies, three house moves and various job changes) have seen me fine-tune my calm-for-me skills. 

Yesterday I cancelled plans (because rushing doesn't agree with me), a fortnight ago I booked into yoga classes again for this term (because I know my body, heart and mind will thrive in that one hour) and last week after setting up various creative pursuits for the kids I decided it was what I needed too and spent an hour drawing and painting. For the past three months I've been reading books and more books (on to my fifth) and for the past five days I have turned my meditating-whenever-I get-a-free-chance-habit into a nightly rhythm for as long as my mind, heart and body choose (sometimes five minutes, sometimes twenty). 

And today while I walked in the sunshine I wondered how my energy could feel so good when I'm on broken nightly sleep thanks to my beautiful teething almost-five month old baby. My answer to myself is this sense of nurture and self that's come from my investment in calm pursuits. Suddenly all the little things I've taught myself over eight years have come together. And I'm sure it's not one of them, but all of them. And I suddenly realised I'm doing more than okay. And I think I'm coming close to working out this calm caper. Well, for me anyway.

xx

How do you do calm? And any book recommendations?
  

Ruby // sixteen weeks later

Our darling baby girl arrived in a whirlwind 16 weeks ago now. It felt as though the wait to this point in the pregnancy had been so very long; the last weeks drawn out with a mixture of exhaustion, stress, soreness and anticipation. 

On Ruby's day I spent the morning and then later in the afternoon with a new feeling, a shift within me - a knowing that our time was soon; and as though cradling me in support the universe saw that five friends sent messages of love and support in those 24 hours before labour began. 

The two days prior I spent in quiet anticipation - making time for reading, yoga, meditation; turning away from social media, walking solo and slowly, and finding myself in conversations that spoke of beauty, wonder, divine timing and support. I felt grateful and ridiculously tired. I thanked and praised my body for growing my baby and supporting us both. I slept a lot. 

That night I went to bed before our two girls. My exhaustion had reached a higher level and it felt like I had no choice but to stop, rest and sleep. In bed I placed a hand on my heart and one on my belly and I tried so hard to hold onto the feeling of my baby girl within me and send her my love. I meditated and drifted into sleep. 

A few hours later our journey to each other began. And after just three hours of intense labour she was safe in my arms. I birthed our baby girl surrounded by my husband and four amazing, strong, calm, confident and loving women. I felt supported and loved. For this, and to them, I am forever grateful. 

In those three hours of labour I heard "You've got this!" from four different people - said with confidence in me, my baby and my body. It became my mantra. And it's stayed with me these past four months. It's stirred a quiet confidence within me. A trust I've never felt before. A trust in the part of me that is home: heart & soul.

And so for the past four months I've lived in a little cocoon with our Ruby - doing what needs to be done, and little extra. I've thought about writing sooner, tried twice but then retreated back to the busyness of loving my three babes. It's a beautiful space, right here right now... and I haven't wanted to venture further til now. I didn't give myself this time or space or allow myself to feel this joy in the early days with the other two girls. And I'm oh so grateful I have this time round. Part of me wants to stay here, and another part of me is ready to emerge, calling me to write again. Slowly, slowly.   

xxxx 

~ A big thank you so so much too for the beautiful messages of congratulations, love and support I have received on the arrival of our baby girl when I shared the news on facebook and instagram, So very grateful. Elisa xx 

The day I learnt to breathe

Learning to breath again. It sounds ridiculous I know, because we arrive here in a breath. And this breath of ours keeps us alive. But somehow, someway, and at some point I stopped breathing fully. Instead I engaged in a lively, rushed, frantic, stressed (but I wouldn't have admitted that to you at the time) out-of-control, desperately-seeking-control manner that became everyday life. And although I loved so many aspects of this life, it was messy. The stress part was messy, the rushing that kept me in a move-on-to-the-next-thing-without-taking-a-breath pattern was messiest. And that rushing meant I never really slowed enough to just be and connect with the inner me, never stopped to just breathe. So so far from the me I am today. Yet I remember so well how she felt. It hurts to feel like she did, but in a numb kind of way. 

And it feels like one day abruptly it all ended. But it wasn't really one day, not at all. It was a mammoth crescendo that started with my body falling apart (in so many ways: back aches and spasms, a breast tumour then an auto-immune disease to be more precise) and the end (which was kind of the start of change) was an 80km/hr head-on car crash. That's the part I want to talk about, because that's when I learnt to breathe again. 

It was eight years ago now. I was the passenger, my husband was driving. A car pulled out from the t-intersection four metres in front of us. He hit the brakes but there was no time to stop. I was looking at him on impact and if I hadn't been the doctors said my injuries would be a lot worse. I normally always cross my legs in the car too, and I remember noticing how straight I was sitting and upright minutes before the crash - I remember thinking how good my body felt sitting so still and straight and wondering why I didn't always sit like this. Later the doctors asked if I was sitting perfectly straight, because to not break bones was almost impossible.

My injuries were minimal soft-tissue ones, scratches and cuts - the airbag saved me yet did most of the damage. My face swelled an extra half its size and was covered in cuts, blood and bruising - as was my chest. I just remember noticing all the blood, pouring out my nose, tasting it in my mouth and knowing I needed an ambulance. It was me who called the ambulance, moments later interrupted by a man asking what I was doing, then promptly telling me to rest because he could make the call. I thought he was awfully rude, I was in control and could surely make the call myself! And the minute that thought entered my head I realised there was no control to be had here, and surrender was necessary. All at once I let go, all at once I felt my body relax in trust - that I would be cared for, that someone else had the situation and that would be okay. There was no rushing to be done, just waiting and breathing. Breathing was really all I could do. And breathing was all I needed to do.

As we arrived at the hospital I found myself alone lying on a trolley in a neck brace and panic set in. My breathing got shaky and became too fast. I tried to look around for someone, for help, but the white ceiling was all I got. 

Then a hand on mine. Just breathe, she said. It's all you have to do. You can help your body and mind with your breath too - you can manipulate your breath. Breathe deeper, all the way in. And slowly release. Just breathe. Slow your breath down, so all of you slows down....

She was an ambulance officer and I so wish I could remember her name. In those moments of reminding me to breathe, she changed everything for me. I wanted to get to know my breath. I wanted to just breathe. And just be. Breathwork became a part of my everyday. It still is. It's a big part of the meditation I practice and it reminds me always of the beauty, wonder and healing that can happen in a solo breath.

xx

Do you remind yourself to "just breathe" each day?

>> Want to be the first to receive my free mindfulness prints and the "breathe" meditation eBook I'm currently writing? I can't wait to send them your way. You can sign up for them here. <<   

Escape

After writing these words, we decided a little escape down the coast would be the perfect way to reset our pace. And a new rhythm we found. One that's left us recharged, and filled up on the joy that is being together with no real agenda for the day. Miss four wanted a journal of sorts of our three days away to show her family and friends; these are a few of the photos {snapped with my phone!} that tell the story of our time away. Just us, simple days, exploring new places, sharing laughter, love and time.  

xx

{Also pic 34 in my by the sea series 52 project. You can view the rest of the images here xx} 

Have you escaped lately? What helps to reset your pace? X

Head & heart

I've been missing writing, and perplexed because perhaps for the first time in two and a half years I have felt unable to
write for here. For this space that's become an extension of my heart.

Despite my feet-on-the-ground and mindful intentions, my head went skyward - thinking, thinking, dreaming a little and unable to make a decision. Because, of course, the decision was not for my head at all, but for my heart. Funny that.

And when I checked in with my heart, it whispered find your joy. And that's where I've been. Finding my joy which
turns out is mostly just being, writing and creating from my heart (hello new prints, and an amazing new vision board), practicing yoga, talking and playing with my girls, time with family, reading fiction and neglecting my
facebook page.

And while the past two weeks my energy has returned, it does feel a lot like I had to step back a few paces in order
to move ahead.

xx 

What's bringing you joy today? 

In sickness & health

We've spent a week sick. And now that we're better, we're enjoying the sweet feeling of health returned and more energy yet still spending much of our days resting, moving gently. Because it seems that's what our bodies are wanting of us right now, and perhaps that's what winter is calling us to do too. 

And while getting sick always upsets me, because I do oh so much to keep my family healthy, I've learnt a couple things this time around. And first is to redefine my thoughts on sick. Because colds and high temps, as much as it's horrible to see your babies unwell and exhausting to care for them when you're feeling much the same - well that's one level of sick that our healthy bodies can fight and handle. And that our bodies bounce back from rather well. So yes we've been sick, but in being so our bodies have shown us how strong and capable they are too. Because we are healthy. 

And while I normally avoid catching what my girls get, this time around I'm pretty confident I had to get sick to realign myself with where I need to be. And turns out where I need to be is where I already am. Right here, just being, not doing more and not doing less, but shuffling things around so there's more time for what matters most. 

I've also been reminded that I have time. I have time. Just saying those words aloud reminds me to slow. To give thanks for now. I made a couple big decisions this past month, and it turns out now I've changed my mind on those. And that's okay. Because slowing to take less on but take in more of right now, it just seems right for me. And us. 

xx

Are you called to slow down this season too? x

Disconnected ~ 12/52

On a Friday I work just a minute's walk from the beach. Last Friday in particular I knew my body and heart were calling for me to set a little time aside, to be by the water and just be, to write for me and focus on my highest priorities. But I decided on the responsible option of working for three hours and spending twenty minutes for me by the sea afterwards. 

The universe had other ideas. As I sat down to work, my laptop took forever to boot up. Then my mobile phone reception went dead - in a place where I always have full reception. Finally my laptop was up and running, but I couldn't connect to the wireless internet. A few more attempts, and 30 minutes later I was online and ready to write. Then I popped my USB into the laptop and the laptop found nothing. I tried again, and again. Nothing. I persisted with the work, doing as much as I could without access to the files I needed, and then finally I gave up.

And trusted that working perhaps wasn't what I was meant to be doing at that very moment. I packed up and walked to the beach. I lay down, closed my eyes and listened to the sounds of the birds and water. But after I while I could only hear the quiet rhythm of my breath. 

Later I checked my phone - full reception. Sometimes I think the universe has a way of forcing us in the direction we deep down know we're meant to be. I see now how much I needed that disconnection from technology on that day, to reconnect fully with the essence of me.

xx

Any messages from the universe headed your way lately?

{This image is part of my photo project "by the sea" series for this year ~ a place I come to stop and just be, and to honour me. More by the sea posts here.}  

Because now is good enough a time

I read this quote the other day...

 

"It's a terrible thing, I think, in life to wait until you're ready. I have this feeling that actually no one is ever ready to do anything. There is almost no such thing as ready. There is only now. And you may as well do it now. Generally speaking, now is as good a time as any." ~ Hugh Laurie

And it resonated with me or perhaps dawned on me. Whatever it did I actually stopped what I was doing. Walked away. I stopped to just be. To journal. And let clarity arrive.

 

Here's what I realised.

1. I've put two big dreams (they're actually connected - can't have one without the other) on hold for the past year. Because, in my defence, other opportunities crept up. But also because... maybe I'm not ready, or maybe it's just not the right time, or what if I do all that work and then it's just not good enough, what if nobody likes what I've created ... you get the picture.

 

2. Worse than being on hold I haven't even started. Haven't even taken the first step. I've just let my dream sit up in my head in dreamland and swirl around with no destination, no timeline, no real agenda. No starting point.

 

3. I write more than 5000 words each month for publications. Other people's publications. Yes that's my job as a freelance writer, yes that's what I love doing, and yes that's my career... But I don't give my own writing the same time of day and space or credit. Yes those other words are paid work, yes I enjoy writing them, but the other writing - well if I'm honest that's where my heart lies... and that just has to deserve a little more attention.  Somewhere in my week. Somehow...

 

And so instead of wondering, instead of trying to create a plan, action list or timeline.. I just started. Just like that. No holding back. I just opened a new journal and I wrote. And then wrote some more... 

 

The words came easily, the ideas kept bouncing and I felt free. Finally, I was doing it. No matter about an ending point, no matter about being good enough. Just letting my heart take the lead.

 

Because there's no perfect time and now is good enough a time.

 

It feels wonderful to simply begin.

 

xx

Anything you've been putting on hold? Any new dreams or plans you've recently begun? x

The only way to give the best of me to those I love

I keep coming back to this Paolo Coelho quote: "Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.”

It’s been my past month, and I’ve stressed my way through it.

Silly because I know better, because I have plenty of strategies to counteract that stress/anxiety cycle, and silly because I know that my body doesn’t one bit like the rushing I’ve made it endure.

It took a late-night conversation two nights ago to remind me of what I already know to be true. And to remind me of my body’s wisdom and my ability to heal, grow and evolve.

Today I sat in meditation – and I felt all the parts of me that have been scrambling around these past weeks float back to where they belong.

Those moments of meditation were filled with the noise of two busy and beautiful little girls singing and dancing and throwing a tea party for themselves, but as I breathed fully, as I exhaled, and I tuned into the core of me, for the first time in too long I reconnected with the presence, energy and stillness that resides within me.

Tonight I will give thanks, and tomorrow I will meditate again. And I remind myself that choosing to nurture my body and soul is the only way to give the best of me to those I love.

xx

Do you make nurture a priority each day? And what is nuture for you? I'd love to know x

Raindrops

 

The rain began overnight and continued on and off throughout the day, and I couldn’t help but miss the sunshine that had graced our recent days.

I lamented on plans that had to be changed, and things that couldn’t now be done.

When the weather finally calmed I stepped outside to collect the mail, but raindrops began to fall once more.

This time I paused in my thoughts, I felt the raindrops, noticed where they landed and chose to bask in them as I do the sunshine.

Later I stopped to look to the sky - grey in places and cloudy all over - and I chose to see wonder and a reflection of our ability to change.

As I drove to my parents’ house, I noticed tiny raindrops landing on my windscreen. One by one, until they met each other and slid down the glass.

And it reminded me of the little steps I can take to make changes. Little steps that can seem insignificant on their own, but really they are filled with hope and change, and when they come together they have the ability to create an amazing sense of new - renewed possibilities, awareness, wonder.

xx

{Images by me – my first time photographing raindrops. So much beauty found in the last place I would have thought to search. Elisa x}

{Gratitude this week for beauty in the ordinary; the ability to change, heal and start again; and for friends who listen with their eyes, ears and hearts and then tell me with love what they’ve heard. Thank you xx}

By the water

In the spirit of a little less staring at the computer screen, a little more staring at the water, we headed to the beach this past week.    

Not once, but four times. It was as though the water was calling us to return.

And I had forgotten just how much I adore the beach in winter.

When all sounds bar the roaring of the waves are forgotten.

The mesmerising colours of the sky and water, different each day.

The rhythm of the water, inviting me to witness the seasonal rhythms around me, and transform my internal rhythms of the day too.

The clarity that comes from a change of scene.

And that alive feeling that comes from running through the wind on the sand on a sun-shining blue-sky winter day with your two little people laughing and running beside you.

xx

{Photo taken into the sun while we ran on the windiest sunny day at our closest beach. It was magic. When I arrived home I heard the weather warning that winds of 100kph were hitting coastal areas. Timing is funny like that. Because had I known earlier, we most definitely would not have gone. Elisa x}

~ Gratitude that we are blessed with the beach close by and for spontaneous and intentionally created heart moments that that are filled with a sense of magic and leave you feeling oh-so-alive. Joining the 52 weeks of grateful here ♡

What are you most grateful for today?

A little less, a little more

I've been thinking about what I could go a little less of and a little more of since seeing this Blackmores ad*.

Actually I'd been thinking loads recently about what was missing from my days, but I like the little more, little less concept so much better. Especially the little part. No big scary changes, just gentle shifts in the direction I want to sail.

A little less procastination, a little more sleep 

A little less checking the clock, a little more cardio 

A little less staring at the computer screen, a little more staring at the water

A little less facebook, a little more book reading

A little less talking, a little more listening 

A little less planning, a little more taking chances

A little less fear, a little more courage

Some of these are really big for me. But with little in front of them it feels like I can tackle them. Slowly, bit by bit. More or less.

xx

What would you go a little less of? Or a little more of?

{Gratitude this week for the little changes I am committing to making, for the fears I have decided on facing, and for health - because while it hasn't been in our house much for the past fortnight it almost always is. Elisa xx}

*I have no affiliation with Blackmores. I was just inspired by the concept/ad! 

Gratitude is clarity

It's funny how in a week that's already a busy working one a few extra levels of crazy can get thrown in... hubby away at a work conference, then my little miss three burning a fever and fighting a cold... It's as if the universe was trying to tell me...

You're stronger than you think.

You can get more done than you knew you were capable of.

It's time to face your fears.

Today you will accept help... and today you will accept that you can't do it all on your own.
 
You will say no, and then surrender the guilt you associate with that word.

And then, perhaps most of all the universe reminded me...

You are supported in all the ways you hoped.

And it's amid days of chaos that gratitude comes in moments and reflections, but at the end of the week this gratitude is my clarity.

xx

What are you most grateful for today? Was there any lessons in chaos thrown into your week?

~ Joining the 52 Weeks of Grateful here x

Settling on surrender

Nine months living here in our new house and only last weekend did I explore the bushland reserve at the end of our street. Despite walking together often, for some reason I just hadn't ventured that far. Miss three had been exploring there a few times before though with her Dad, and so she happily led the way to "the forest".

And although homes are still close by, there was a coolness and a calm that came with being surrounded by trees, bush and scrub and walking with mud, twigs and stones underfoot.

I kept looking through the tree branches at the sky peeking through. Sometimes a clouded white, other times the brightest blue tainted with spots of stormy grey. It was as though the sky wasn't sure how it was feeling. And neither was I actually. A part of me just wanted to rest and be left alone, a part of felt a little run-down, and another part of me wanted to be busy and move ahead and on to the next thing on my to-do list. I was feeling exhausted, disorganised and a tad overwhelmed.

But I settled on surrendering to the moment, heading outdoors and letting miss three lead our way. I decided not to check the time as we went or to think about what needed to be done or where we soon needed to be.

We walked in circles, backtracked and then ran paces ahead. Looking to the sky together, we wondered about where the drifting clouds were headed. We paused to listen to the birds singing, to collect twigs and look for the brightest shades of green and new life in the bush.

In letting my little one set the pace, I found myself slowing down, letting go and surrendering to the moment, and embracing her curiosity. In those moments of just us, nature and that winter sky, my head stopped spinning. And I saw her and me and us together much clearer than before.

xx

Do you like to walk in nature? Does it bring you clarity? And do you {like me} find you sometimes need a reminder to surrender, let go and just be?