Oh, here I am. No longer on hold.

Ever sit back and think how'd I get here? When doing what simply needs to be done becomes your everyday, and then months later you find yourself doing that something you love and think "Here I am! This is me. I'm doing what I love, where time feels limitless, and my heart just knows how to soar!" 

Has this happened to you? The putting yourself on hold? And then you notice that limitless feeling when you're doing what you love? When you're doing whatever it is that puts you in your flow, where time is lost, where seconds join into one big heart moment and you realise that being you is enough. Always was. And then you wonder why you spent so long striving to do more of the everyday, but less of what you love...

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that at some point in the past year I put that part of me {my self nourishment, my creativity, my heart work} on the shelf. I could see it sitting there, but thought, "No, not today, not tomorrow, not now. I'm too busy with everything. No, you can sit right there and look pretty. I know you're there, but no, not right now. You can wait."

And the more that part of me that is my creativity, my soul, my heart {the part of me that I give best to the world} called out, the more I said, "Oh thanks for the reminder, but you'll just have to be a memory right now. A lovely memory, yes. But a memory because I'm too busy keeping a clean house, a happy home and nurturing my three little ones - best things to ever happen to me! And no you just don't make the cut right now."

And then people were asking me about my writing - Was I still writing? Why wasn't I still writing? And the whole while I was thinking but not saying, "Can't they see how busy I am?" 

And then somehow, by some trick of nature I ended up opening this part of me again by mistake. I said yes to a friend, "Oh, of course I can help out, share my words, share my wisdom..." when I meant to say, "No, I'm far too busy, and I've put that part of me on the shelf for a while..."

And so I reluctantly opened me up, and long behold the creativity hadn't dried up! Not one bit. It came pouring out, flooding actually. 

And here I am taking every moment I can to type or scribble away {letting my heart's words be free} ignoring my thoughts that suggest I should be doing something "useful", because it turns out this is the part of me that is meant to be free all.the.time. 

Last month {after weeks of consciously choosing to let myself write again} I woke up {that should read was woken up every early by three very-awake little girls demanding breakfast} and I noticed I felt renewed, so very alive. I knew instantly what had changed. I'd started writing again, writing for me, writing from my heart. As I walked into the kitchen, my miss six took one look at me, and her big brown eyes grew bigger, "You look different. Good different. I like it." And that's reason enough for me to continue giving space to this part of me. I like it too.

xx

Do you feel limitless when you create? What makes you feel alive? And have you done this before - put a part of you on hold? I do think at times other events take priority and we need to, but perhaps just not for too long... or perhaps this long was just enough? Elisa x