Almost eight years ago I was told that part of my destiny was to learn calm. To be calm. Might not sound like such a feat but at the time I had just emerged from severe exhaustion and ever-slowly out of what felt like an all-consuming frantic auto-immune disease and back into health. I was still recovering, and learning so much about my body and what worked and didn't work for me.
I knew the opposite of calm had got me to that state. I knew I was learning calm. Very slowly. I was better at creating calm. But to be calm? That seemed impossible to me. And being told my destiny involved this invoked tears. Because what was calm anyway? And how? Staying healthy seemed so hard. Tell me how to be calm, I begged.
Just the thought of having to somehow find calm as a natural state made me much less than calm. But of course, that was the whole point. Calm can't be controlled or manipulated. Calm just is. It can be invited though. And created, and embraced. And the instant this dawned on me, I surrendered - and all at once gave up on pushing myself to be the me I needed to be to remain healthy.
Instead I focused on what felt happy to me, instead of doing and moving all the time I stayed still and breathed (and it was hard at first), I pulled away from anything that might equal busy which meant learning to say no (and that was especially hard for me). I read a lot, I spoke to a lot of people, I researched, I tried new ways of being/eating/moving and learnt so so much. And most definitely the eight years to this point right now (insert three babies, three house moves and various job changes) have seen me fine-tune my calm-for-me skills.
Yesterday I cancelled plans (because rushing doesn't agree with me), a fortnight ago I booked into yoga classes again for this term (because I know my body, heart and mind will thrive in that one hour) and last week after setting up various creative pursuits for the kids I decided it was what I needed too and spent an hour drawing and painting. For the past three months I've been reading books and more books (on to my fifth) and for the past five days I have turned my meditating-whenever-I get-a-free-chance-habit into a nightly rhythm for as long as my mind, heart and body choose (sometimes five minutes, sometimes twenty).
And today while I walked in the sunshine I wondered how my energy could feel so good when I'm on broken nightly sleep thanks to my beautiful teething almost-five month old baby. My answer to myself is this sense of nurture and self that's come from my investment in calm pursuits. Suddenly all the little things I've taught myself over eight years have come together. And I'm sure it's not one of them, but all of them. And I suddenly realised I'm doing more than okay. And I think I'm coming close to working out this calm caper. Well, for me anyway.
xx
How do you do calm? And any book recommendations?
After weeks of taking things intentionally back a step, and letting our unscripted days unfold in the gentlest ways, the pace of our days has gained a momentum quicker than I hoped.
I'm fitting in work hours in almost all my spare moments. And I'm squeezing in just enough time for work to be grateful that this work is being offered to me, and to be grateful for all the minutes of my days that are spent doing things I love with the people I love and letting my soul shine.
Our week of slow, family time {and my lack of a mobile phone and internet connection for four days} offered so much clarity, but also left me with questions and decisions to make.
Some are made, some I'm letting unfold slowly, gradually, in time. It's taking a whole lot of mindpower and trust to surrender control. But I am. Slowly.
And I keep telling myself that this is life: sometimes crazily busy, always emotion-filled, and slow and mindful at other times. And I remind myself each and every moment is part of a rhythm. And it's about creating pockets in each day that are filled with the rhythms I dance to best.
xx
{Image above captured while lying in the grass watching my two little loves dance and explore. Elisa x}
How are the rhythms of your days of late? And what are you most grateful for today? x
~ Linking with the 52 Weeks of Grateful at Kylie's, and the Weekend Rewind at Maxabella's.
With Grace & Eve was born out of one question: What makes your heart sing?
A question I asked myself. And then waited for my heart to answer.
Writing was my profession, and my passion too. But even so it was a long while before I grew the courage to write the way I love to, sharing words and inspiration from my heart.
It's been quiet here lately. Because I've been asking myself this question again. And again.
And I'm noticing that my heart is singing with life as it is right now, with the moments that present, with the blessings that life brings each day. But I also know that question asks more than that. That question is about surrendering and allowing all that my heart believes I can have now and in the future to unfold. It's about letting my heart tell me the truth.
And for the past few weeks I've asked that question, then turned away before the answer is revealed. I see glimpses of the answer, and steer my focus elsewhere. I make excuses for not listening for the answer. Excuses that are so very valid to my mind. Excuses that are nothing but fear.
Oh fear. Again. The same little emotion that stood in the way of me hitting publish on With Grace & Eve for so long. Of course, fear served its purpose. And everything evolved in perfect timing... but here fear is again. It's similar but different.
And I know it's time to look fear in the eyes, to push past that sickly feeling it brings. To promise to really listen to my heart the next time I have the courage to ask my one question.
xx
Do you face your fears? And do you stop to ask yourself: What makes my heart sing?
An idea wondered about for long enough that it becomes a dream.
A dream given time and action, enough for it to become a possibility.
Work that's fun and creative, work that's part-love, part-new, part-adventure. Work that's not work at all really.
But work is done and plans are made. And still she wonders if she should let this little dream see the day.
Just one little idea, she could so easily throw away.
She ponders that option, and then she considers giving it a chance to thrive.
And so she plants that little dream like a seed into her creative soul, and she nurtures it with a little love, a load of fun and allows it a spark of possibility.
The universe responds with lashings of support, whispers of encouragement. She feels surprised, and grateful.
And she watches how her creations grow, at the same time threatening to make it all come tumbling down.
And then amid hesitation and thoughts of failure and embarrassment, she halters. She thinks, what if they like it as much as I do? What if they think it's ... good?
And then a little voice from deep within her yells "You can do this" and "It's okay to try something new."
And as she thinks about those words her concentration slips. She dips out of her doubting mind and into a soul that knows how to soar and a heart that dares to dream...
She floats there for long enough to offer life and her dreams {even the little ones} a real go.
She decides in herself to believe.
She decides to stand back and stand out of the way.
And just like that, it all falls into place.
xx
{I've been on a little journey of sorts this past few months. Having a battle of heart and mind, pondering dreams and dreaming when I'm not. Yesterday I opened a little shop to accompany my blog. It's a bit of fun, and my kind of creative. But as the story goes, it's taught me a lesson or two in stepping out of my comfort zone, and away from fear. Feel free to check out my word-art prints ~ inspired by the stories on this blog ~ here. And I'll write a proper introduction for this little venture soon... :) Elisa xx}
How do you feel about stepping out of your comfort zone? When was the last time you gave something new a go?
Almost twelve months ago I remember feeling rather stuck. In circumstances, by being at a crossroads, by being so very needed, by a lack of free time and not enough sleep hours in a row...
I had all these dreams and hopes and so very much I wanted to do. I made lists and brainstormed visions that felt dreamy, new, bright. {And unachievable}.
When I checked in with my heart I heard the words: today will make you stronger for tomorrow.
So I listened a little more. And my heart told me to go slowly, to take one little step at a time. And that it was okay for that one tiny step to take me days {or weeks}.
My heart said to listen to my heart. And that there is time and space for all I want to do. {Just not all at once}.
My heart said to enjoy the journey. {And not rush to the end}.
My heart spoke in soft slow whispers, in truths and reminders. To be more gentle on myself, to stop and be still, to open my eyes softly and to see gratitude and love in my every day.
My heart said I was doing a good job. {And that everything would be okay}.
My heart said to listen for words of wisdom. To bid fear goodbye.
I listened to my heart's words for a long while, and then decided to give myself 28 days of just being.
So I ignored my to-do list {what I thought I should be doing} and spent time just being instead. 28 days of it.
I gave thanks. I played with my girls. I took the day by moments and tried not to watch the clock. I relaxed. I began to feel free. I practised yoga with a little girl copying me and a baby giggling as I tickled her in between poses.
In those days I tried not to think about my dreams and visions, and the journey to there that I so wanted to be on.
I reminded myself often it was just 28 days in so many.
Each day I journaled, and asked my heart what makes it sing. And in just being I found clarity and that living in the moment (not miles ahead) was where I truly wanted to be all along.
I came to see that each day is filled with opportunity. For wonder, gratitude, laughter, happiness, dreaming and planning too.
Today I realised I'm on that journey I was longing for almost 12 months ago.
Today I realised life offers me an abundance of opportunities every day.
Right now I'm writing and creating and working on projects I've dreamed {and feared} about starting. I'm mothering with my heart, and learning so much every day from my girls and growing as I do.
And while there's still so much to be done, I'm grateful to be amidst it all. Enjoying the journey, and knowing little by little my ideas will see a today.
xx
~ Linking with Maxabella for the 52 Weeks of Grateful x
Are you on a journey? Are you grateful to be on your way? And do you listen to your heart? x
