The only way to give the best of me to those I love

I keep coming back to this Paolo Coelho quote: "Life has many ways of testing a person's will, either by having nothing happen at all or by having everything happen all at once.”

It’s been my past month, and I’ve stressed my way through it.

Silly because I know better, because I have plenty of strategies to counteract that stress/anxiety cycle, and silly because I know that my body doesn’t one bit like the rushing I’ve made it endure.

It took a late-night conversation two nights ago to remind me of what I already know to be true. And to remind me of my body’s wisdom and my ability to heal, grow and evolve.

Today I sat in meditation – and I felt all the parts of me that have been scrambling around these past weeks float back to where they belong.

Those moments of meditation were filled with the noise of two busy and beautiful little girls singing and dancing and throwing a tea party for themselves, but as I breathed fully, as I exhaled, and I tuned into the core of me, for the first time in too long I reconnected with the presence, energy and stillness that resides within me.

Tonight I will give thanks, and tomorrow I will meditate again. And I remind myself that choosing to nurture my body and soul is the only way to give the best of me to those I love.

xx

Do you make nurture a priority each day? And what is nuture for you? I'd love to know x

Out of balance

I had a post ready to go about balancing work and motherhood and my thoughts and feelings as I walked out the door to work...

And then this week happened and it's thrown me. I had the balance of mixing work (from home two days a week) plus study and mothering down pat when it was just one cherub to love and care for each day. But with two cherubs and one point five days a week of paid work I seem to be a little lost.

I've got to-do lists longer than I want to share. And this week I've combined adrenalin-racing spurts of rushed with mindful and still pockets of slow. And I feel like I'm doing a little of everything but not a lot of anything. I do feel like I'm doing these little things well, except maybe the housework...

And this balance curve ball has got me thinking. A lot.
About what I really want.
About what makes my heart sing.
About keeping myself in balance.
About living a life I love.
About what needs to be done. And what really doesn't.
About how I spend my time.
About disconnecting. To reconnect.
About what I can achieve now. And what I can trust there will be time to achieve later.

As I drove home tonight and reached our street I looked up at my favourite tree pausing to watch how its branches play out against the sky, and that's when I realised that sometimes balance needs to get mucked up and turned upside down and tossed about. Just so you can refind balance. Reconnect. Make changes. Start again.

xx

{Grateful for the clarity that came out of a lack of balance, and for work opportunities but mostly for the days I get to spend at home with my girls. Elisa x}

~ Linking with the gratitude community at the 52 Weeks of Grateful

Do you reassess balance? And what's making you most grateful this week? x

Out of a shadow of exhaustion

This week has been tough.

I've felt like I'm failing a lot. {But I'm not}.

A mixture of fear, uncertainty, worry and exhaustion will do that.

But mainly exhaustion. {And I really hate the taste of my tears.}

I've felt lost more than anything this week.

I keep double booking myself.

I keep forgetting what I'm meant to do {and where I'm meant to be}.

And I keep forgetting to check in with my heart.

I get offers for help, but I forget how to say yes. Then {thankfully} the offers come back, and that's when I remember to accept.

I learnt this week that watching your partner get wheeled into surgery doesn't get any easier a second time.

I learnt to break one crappy emotional cycle and pick up the phone and talk instead of reaching for chocolate when anxiety gets the better of me.

I learnt that whatever cocktail of emotions I'm experiencing my little miss three gets a small dose of it. We can't disconnect {and I don't know how to shield her from it}. We're talking through what we feel while we hold each other instead.

And out of the shadows of a consuming week come sparks of love and fragments of light.

Words to hold onto. {Words to see me through.}

"Don't be scared mummy. Everybody loves you."

"Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow."

"This too will pass."

Grateful finally arrived on Thursday morning in a wave of relief and seven-hours-in-a-row sleep.

I woke to a moody sky and when I stepped outside the breeze felt like change was coming.

A light gentle rain began soon after. And it was only then that I remembered to stop and breathe, and that I could choose to start my week again.

xx

{I'm grateful for the words that bring me back to this moment right now, and for all those who have offered support and checked in with me this week and asked, "Are you okay?" I am. I'm grateful for change and a new day, time together as a family, our health and especially for my 16-month-old little girl who has slept through for nine hours for two days in a row for the first time xx}

~ Linking with Maxabella for Kidspot's 52 Weeks of Grateful over here x

 

Learning to breathe again

I stopped breathing. Not all together. But I stopped breathing fully. And I think it went on for a while there. A few months or many more, perhaps.

Shallow breaths, and a heaviness in my core. I kept gasping for new air, as I moved about in survival mode.

And a part of me got so used to it, I didn't even notice the other part of me was broken down.

I was operating as parts and pieces, not a whole.

I suppose it was easier this way - disconnecting from my emotions, burying stress and anxiety behind smiles. Biding my time. Waiting for stress to pass.

Then one day {after what felt like forever} along came space and time, and an opportunity for change. Hesitantly I took this chance, and began making it mine.

I leaned on those around me. I gathered my strength. Their support recharged me, and inspired me as I tentatively ventured in a new direction. I even found support within myself.

Changes were made {big and little}. And stress slowly let go of it's strangle hold on my neck and shoulders.

The shadows in my days were replaced with fragments of light.

As I focused on the light, it grew. Joy. Wonder. Happiness. Gratitude.

It's only in the looking back that I can see fully the depth of the stress I felt, admire the distance I have come, and recognise that I've learnt to breathe again.

xx

{I write this as a way of recognising the past and the lessons learnt and the strength gathered over time. And as a way of fully releasing and letting go of this time I label stress. I write this as the post I've been wanting to write about how stress can feel - suffocating, disconnected and consuming. I write this for clarity. And as I write this, I inhale fully and effortlessly, and I exhale gently and with ease. I can breathe. Elisa xx}


Are you aware of your breath {full, slow and flowing} when you're happy and relaxed? And short and shallow in times of stress?

 

Lessons learnt {in moving house}

 

You can't rush time. I used a whole lot of energy trying to rush time. I pushed and pulled and tried to make things {selling, finding a new house} move faster. But I've discovered time moves at it's own pace. And {I do believe} at the one that's right for us too.

Go slowly. Little tasks done one at a time each day add up to a big job complete. It's the only way I managed to pack the house with a toddler and baby in tow. Rushing doesn't get the job done any faster. I could use this lesson on so many projects I aspire to achieve.

Look ahead. It's okay {awesome actually} to not stay in the moment some of the time. I was so focused on trying to be mindful and present, but letting my heart and head look ahead and visualise sunny days, smiles, laughter and love to be shared in our new home helped us all transition a little more easily and effortlessly too. I'm a big believer on visualising the outcome you desire, so future moments have been on my thoughts just as much as present ones this past month.

Letting go. I have a hoarding problem. I thought I was nostalgic. Turns out that's not the case. Letting go {and getting rid of} of old things/patterns/emotions creates space for new {better} ones. I'm working on letting go a little more.

Change is part exciting, part stressful. Moving is both of those too. But the selling and packing parts, for me they're just stressful. The unpacking not so much. But like all stress {and times of change/transition}, life feels extra sweet and refreshing when you make it through.

Xx

{I believe every time of stress/change offers us an opportunity to grow/learn. Just sometimes it takes overcoming the stress to notice what you've actually learnt. And on reflection, these lessons apply to so many more things going on in my life right now - I may need to keep them handy xx}

Any life lessons you've learnt lately?

On this Friday

A whole lot of stressful scenarios intertwined this week. Part inevitable, part unforeseeable. Ups and downs. Highs and lows. Life happened, and regardless I'm always grateful for it. But here on this Friday, Monday seems months ago. Because we've come so far, and because the days have felt so long.

And I'm feeling grateful for:

Health. {Whether it's here or not} 

Sleep. {A good night's sleep and a new day can make everything so much better. But I'm still forever wishing my babies would give me more precious sleep.}  

Time & trust {It doesn't feel like I'm getting much time right now, but I trust that things will improve.} 

Listening {I listened to my heart and head this week. I'm glad I let my heart win.}

Comfort {That my arms and love can offer so much.}

Listeners {I was listened to with empathy and patience this week, and it made a beautiful difference ~ thank you xx. I'm always so very conscious of how I listen and how I could listen better. It felt so good to be heard.} 

Words {Spoken and written. When I didn't get to write this week I spoke, and read too.}   

xx

What are you most grateful for this week?

{Linking with gratitude to Maxabella's 52 Weeks of Grateful xx}

Calm. Chaos. Clarity.

Two years ago we {my husband and I} made a wish for the year ahead.

Actually it was more of a demand. {Because we were sure it was what we needed}.

We decided the year ahead would be calm. A year of Calm.

No big changes, no big stresses, no big goals, no big plans. No big nothing.

Everything that year had been change and different. {And it felt like we were done}.

So we looked at each other and declared the coming year to be one of same-same.

Just our little family of three. And a year.

And it sounded perfect. {And felt pretty perfect too}.

But life had other plans for our path.

We've had two years of busy {chaos}: three job changes, a baby, a house sold and a house bought.

There has been spurts of calm, and the most beautiful joy in the arrival of our littlest girl.

But I'd be lying if I didn't admit busy {and stress} has been a shadow in our days.

Today we {my girls and I} walked and walked, and the day felt fresh, and the breeze smelled new.

Little miss two and I spoke about blossom, searched for little yellow flowers in the green grass, smiled at the breeze that rushed through our hair and marvelled at the brightest of blue skies.

Today I noticed calm {and effortless}. And for the first time in two years, I think it's clarity I'm feeling.

And I think clarity is what we were after in the first place.

Because clarity and calm, they go together. In a wonder-filled way.

Elisa x

What do you seek in your days? Calm? Clarity? I'd love to know x

{image by me}

Finding grateful

I stared at the ocean twice this week {mesmerised by the rhythm of crashing waves}.

On both days the ocean seemed to hold so much strive and purpose {intent on getting things done}.

And I've been feeling a little the opposite {watching days unfold and struggling to find my own rhythm in their speed}.

Weeks like this floor me {leave me overwhelmed, wondering and eager for a new day}.

Mid-week {and again today} I realised where I was heading {a feeling of disconnection coming from my soul}.

And so {with help from a friend} I remembered to hold my heart close {and listen for words of ways to make a change}.

I trusted time and I trusted my body {and they trusted my heart}.

I meditated and I practised yoga {and gave thanks for two little girls who sleep at the same time}.

I recieved calls from three girlfriends I haven't spoken to in weeks {and gave thanks that our friendship is stronger than time}.

I looked into a dark early morning sky {and gave thanks for the day that was, and the lessons learnt}

I watched the sun rise and gently transform the sky from black to blue {and gave thanks for a new day and a shining sun}.

I chose to believe the words that keep coming at me {today will make you stronger for tomorrow}

And on the bumpiest of weeks, I gave thanks for the practise of gratitude {and the many blessings it allows me to see}.

Elisa xx

{Grateful I can find gratitude no matter the week's happenings ~ linking to Kidspot's 52 Weeks of Grateful}

What are you grateful for this week?

Scheduling life in

One of my biggest fears is that in the busyness of life I will find myself scheduling everything in {so nothing gets forgotten}.

It's my fear because when that happens I know everything I really desire will be left off the list {no room for spontaneity and suprise little magic moments}.

It's my fear because I'm pretty sure I did this for {the good part of} two years of my life {scheduling in work and more work, and the necessary and doing close to nothing that truly nourished me}.

There are three major stressful items going on in my life right now. Three. I wish there wasn't even one.

I daydream about life without just one of these three little {big} stressors. I think about how much lighter, brighter and sweeter things would be if just one could disappear.

I worry about my girls picking up on this stress. And I do my best to hide it from them, to shower them in minfulness, love, kindness and laughter. Hoping they will see the sunshine, and ignore the shadows.

But I do know this will pass, and for now I must sit tight, stay strong, focus on being the best version of me and doing what I can {little steps, slowly and gently}.

And I do know {believe} that I {and we} will come through {so much} stronger in the end.

Elisa xx

{When things are stressed, I think it can help to schedule life in, particularly some time-out to nourish myself. My best ways to de-stress are drinking peppermint tea, laughter, watching the ocean, meditation and yoga. Working on a little more of each of those right now...}

When life gets a little crazy, how do you de-stress?