I have changed and grown so much as a person since becoming a mother.
Just as much as my girls have grown I'd say.
At times I've been challenged by the enormity of change and learning
motherhood has presented, and other times I feel I've grown effortlessly and
wondrously.
Inspired by motherhood, I'm inching closer and closer into the me I want
to be.
Josie
asked me to write for her Mothers on Motherhood series this month. And it
encouraged me to reflect further on my motherhood journey, to look back at how far we've come
and give thanks for the abundance of love we've created.
You can read my post on motherhood {as I experience it} here.
xx
To the mothers: Do you stop to look back and reflect on your mothering
journey? x
Monday was moving day. We spent the day taping boxes, but mainly lifting them.
The night before we had packed our cars and I made a mental note of all the things that were coming in my car: my journals, camera, my favourite books, photo albums of the girls, my laptop, some jewellery and trinkets I've had forever. Things that felt like a bit of home. Things I didn't want going with the removalist. I felt safer knowing these things were with me.
I wondered if these were my most prized items, what I'd save if I had to pack the car and just leave. And I suppose they are. Each filled with memories, each revealing a part of me.
Along with those items I threw in a few practicalities that I knew would make life easier - the cleaning products, the portable DVD player for the girls and clean sheets so I wouldn't be searching through boxes when bed-making time came.
When Monday night arrived, we found ourselves rather boxed in. A lot less done than we had hoped. The new house given a quick clean, boxes piled up in every room, the beds still to be made, dinner non-existent.
I drove to my parent's house to pick up our girls while the removalists continued box dropping. "Tonight we get to sleep at our new house," I told them a minute into our drive home. Then, glancing in the review mirror, I saw their beautiful eyes closed fast asleep.
I rang my husband to tell him I was five minutes away, and I had our most precious cargo with me.
And that's when it hit me, that all these things I was packing were never going to make this house feel like the home I wanted it to be without these two little girls filling each room with their love and laughter, without the four of us coming together each day.
My husband keeps saying a house is just four {or more} walls. But a home is more, I keep telling him.
Tonight we spoke about how far we've come, those who have helped us so much along the way. And how we're feeling. Like this space we're living in {with all it's unpacked boxes and two beautiful little girls and four people who love each other endlessly} is already home.
I write that with a sigh of relief, a tired body and a beautifully happy heart.
xx
What makes your space home?
Two years ago we {my husband and I} made a wish for the year ahead.
Actually it was more of a demand. {Because we were sure it was what we needed}.
We decided the year ahead would be calm. A year of Calm.
No big changes, no big stresses, no big goals, no big plans. No big nothing.
Everything that year had been change and different. {And it felt like we were done}.
So we looked at each other and declared the coming year to be one of same-same.
Just our little family of three. And a year.
And it sounded perfect. {And felt pretty perfect too}.
But life had other plans for our path.
We've had two years of busy {chaos}: three job changes, a baby, a house sold and a house bought.
There has been spurts of calm, and the most beautiful joy in the arrival of our littlest girl.
But I'd be lying if I didn't admit busy {and stress} has been a shadow in our days.
Today we {my girls and I} walked and walked, and the day felt fresh, and the breeze smelled new.
Little miss two and I spoke about blossom, searched for little yellow flowers in the green grass, smiled at the breeze that rushed through our hair and marvelled at the brightest of blue skies.
Today I noticed calm {and effortless}. And for the first time in two years, I think it's clarity I'm feeling.
And I think clarity is what we were after in the first place.
Because clarity and calm, they go together. In a wonder-filled way.
Elisa x
What do you seek in your days? Calm? Clarity? I'd love to know x
{image by me}
Do you ever stop and think about how you got to this point?
This point in time. Right here. And right now.
This place where your feet rest.
This place where your eyes gaze.
This place where your mind wanders.
This place where your heart beats.
I've been stopped in my tracks a few times in the past week {gazing at where I am, at the emotions I'm fuelling, at how far I've come and at how far I haven't}.
And it's all a little overwhelming {to look back and see where I was}.
Because some of those places are brimming with happiness {a joy so great that just visualising that moment sees me smile}.
Because some of those places are filled with tears {single tears that taste a little bitter a little sweet, and sometimes hundreds of sobbing tears that cry a mixture of sick, lost, exhausted and stuck}
Because some of those places are a blend of fun, effort, laughter, love and comfort too {a haze of colours, textures and emotions, but mainly a gentle rhythm of days}
But it is here my feet rest {firmly planted on the ground, putting down roots of love and strength}.
And it is here my eyes gaze {wondrously into the big bronze eyes and loving hearts of two giggling baby girls}
And it is here my mind wanders {to thoughts of the future I dream}
And it is here my heart beats {a thankful tune for the love it recieves and the love it gives}.
And so here I am at this point in time {stronger than before, and dreaming more than ever}.
Elisa xx
Where are you {at this point in time}? Do you ever stop and think about how you got to where you are now?
