Saturday, 1 October 2016

Oh, here I am. No longer on hold.

Ever sit back and think how'd I get here? When doing what simply needs to be done becomes your everyday, and then months later you find yourself doing that something you love and think "Here I am! This is me. I'm doing what I love, where time feels limitless, and my heart just knows how to soar!" 

Has this happened to you? The putting yourself on hold? And then you notice that limitless feeling when you're doing what you love? When you're doing whatever it is that puts you in your flow, where time is lost, where seconds join into one big heart moment and you realise that being you is enough. Always was. And then you wonder why you spent so long striving to do more of the everyday, but less of what you love...

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that at some point in the past year I put that part of me {my self nourishment, my creativity, my heart work} on the shelf. I could see it sitting there, but thought, "No, not today, not tomorrow, not now. I'm too busy with everything. No, you can sit right there and look pretty. I know you're there, but no, not right now. You can wait."

And the more that part of me that is my creativity, my soul, my heart {the part of me that I give best to the world} called out, the more I said, "Oh thanks for the reminder, but you'll just have to be a memory right now. A lovely memory, yes. But a memory because I'm too busy keeping a clean house, a happy home and nurturing my three little ones - best things to ever happen to me! And no you just don't make the cut right now."

And then people were asking me about my writing - Was I still writing? Why wasn't I still writing? And the whole while I was thinking but not saying, "Can't they see how busy I am?" 

And then somehow, by some trick of nature I ended up opening this part of me again by mistake. I said yes to a friend, "Oh, of course I can help out, share my words, share my wisdom..." when I meant to say, "No, I'm far too busy, and I've put that part of me on the shelf for a while..."

And so I reluctantly opened me up, and long behold the creativity hadn't dried up! Not one bit. It came pouring out, flooding actually. 

And here I am taking every moment I can to type or scribble away {letting my heart's words be free} ignoring my thoughts that suggest I should be doing something "useful", because it turns out this is the part of me that is meant to be free all.the.time. 

Last month {after weeks of consciously choosing to let myself write again} I woke up {that should read was woken up every early by three very-awake little girls demanding breakfast} and I noticed I felt renewed, so very alive. I knew instantly what had changed. I'd started writing again, writing for me, writing from my heart. As I walked into the kitchen, my miss six took one look at me, and her big brown eyes grew bigger, "You look different. Good different. I like it." And that's reason enough for me to continue giving space to this part of me. I like it too.


Do you feel limitless when you create? What makes you feel alive? And have you done this before - put a part of you on hold? I do think at times other events take priority and we need to, but perhaps just not for too long... or perhaps this long was just enough? Elisa x

Sunday, 19 June 2016

Here and now

I have been so very aware of the here and now this past month. My here and now. Their here and now. Our here and now. 

Aware and in tune with the three little hearts that have a forever hold on mine. 

I feel myself watching them grow from a distance. Stepping back a little so I can really see.

And then, because that distance can never last more than a minute, all at once I'm up close... taking in their every word and emotion... holding little hands, stroking chubby cheeks, reading make-believe adventure books aloud, listening attentively to jumbled so-much-to-tell-you stories, brushing long brown unruly hair... all the while looking into big deep brown eyes that sparkle with a wonder, curiosity, joy and love that I desperately want to know more about. 

Change has been thrust upon us. So much change. New patterns, new people, new places. I felt lost, overwhelmed, unsure. And so I took a deep breath, and consciously slowed my pace. And they've slowed to join my rhythm. 

In this new-found presence, it feels like we've fallen in love all over again. It feels like despite the daily rush, we have a little hold on time. We've fallen into our rhythm, one that ebbs and flows in a way that feels much much better than okay.

And so, discarded autumn leaves have been transformed into fairy crowns // drawing has become a family affair // the smallest of outings now stand strong as bright big love-filled heart-thumping memories and our snuggled-in-bed chatter has lingered too late for a school night {but how I secretly love that they both always have more to say}. 

And I've found myself the collector of heart moments, trying desperately to tuck all these memories deep within me in a place where I won't forget the words, emotions and expressions... From here is where I begin to write, and from here is where I end my day {in thanks}. 


It's been quite a while between posts. I've been so consumed with my here and now, making what's felt like such big decisions, and trying so desperately to stay present for my three girls that I've pulled away from this creative space I love. I'm so happy to be back. How have you been? How is your here and now? Much love, Elisa x 

~ Still working away at the free prints & meditation resources I'll be sending out soon! I'll be sure to post when they're ready, but you can sign up for them early here too. 

Monday, 11 April 2016

Dreaming and beginning

A few weeks ago, and then again last night, I found myself scrolling through job advertisements, pondering roles that looked amazing and that I ticked all the boxes for in terms of experience/skill... but roles I don't actually want and couldn't possibly do right now as a mum to my three girls. So why waste my times reading all those position descriptions? Because dreams. 

I've been dreaming vividly about various roles I could hold, books I could write, websites that could inspire, visions I could create. Dreaming and waiting. And wondering when the time to begin will begin... All the while finding myself so very much in the here and now, consumed with where we are at. Savouring these moments, but unable to stop the dreaming...

Then, in the past few weeks, these three things have happened. 

1. I text a friend the job roles I couldn't apply for but she could; and was reminded that where I am is pretty damn amazing. Mum to three beautiful girls; an abundance of love and beautifully messy days. 

2. While clearing old papers, I found a single scroll tied with pink ribbon. I knew what it was immediately. A wish. One of three wishes. I'd created them seven years and two houses ago, before becoming a mum and after reading a novel about a year of wish making. I opened the scroll and read: "I wish my three beautiful babies into existence." I don't think it's a coincidence that just one scroll and that particular one {my wish come true} was there waiting to be found. And I have no idea what has happened to the other two, or what I wished for.

3. A random memory popped into my thoughts this morning. Fifteen-year-old me hearing about dreams that stayed dreams; and being urged to try all that I wished for. I was sure I'd blogged about it, so looked it up and yes it's here. Turns out I've been back in that place, and almost two years to the date. 

So, this past fortnight I've given myself time to write, when the baby sleeps, at night before bed... whenever the smallest window of time appears. I've let ideas fly, words flow and my heart soar. And I realised there's never a perfect time to begin, there's just now. And so I began once more. 


Do you have a dream? Or, like me, are you forever dreaming? And have you begun? Elisa x

~ A loving thank you to those who have added their email here for the free prints and meditation/mindfulness resources I'll be sending out this year! I'm working on them in between mothering my three beautiful girls and while it's taking much longer than I hoped and promised, I'm choosing to trust time and so excited to soon send you a bundle of love and mindfulness {prints, words and meditation/mindfulness resources} from my heart and inspired by my meditation training and home practices. Elisa xx