I've spent the past two months catching my breath (courtesy of a whirlwind of work, nausea, preparations for end of kinder / start of school for miss five, and exhaustion).
And searching for more breath. (When breathwork is at the core of your meditation practise, a family of four taking turns at gastro then two weeks of a lingering cough/cold certainly gets in the way).
And then finally making time to just breathe.
And this time around just breathing meant abandoning a few of things I wanted to be doing, mainly being here writing about new-found joy, excitement, anticipation and all the growth these past five months have entailed.
Instead I found myself sitting a lot, witnessing, reflecting. And watching my girls (now five and three) ever so closely. All of sudden they seem so big, so grown up. I want to bottle their energy as it is now, to savour and remember these moments. I've felt scared I'll forget the little things they say, their laughter as it is now, us as we are now. Each day they are growing, changing, learning, and it felt like I couldn't keep up.
A fortnight ago miss three and I sat in the grass. She picked daisies. I sat down to breathe, to stretch and soak up the sunshine, my camera by my side; and all the while admiring her abundance of energy - energy I was lacking.
After beheading more daisies then her little hands could hold, she decided to slow down, join my pace and copy my pose - that's her in the image above.
And it was then I felt myself taking a deeper breath and only then noticing the breath cycle I'd be living in, despite stopping to breathe being a focus in my days.
It was then I realised I don't need to keep up with my girls, I just need to show up. To be there in the moment with them as much as I can; to love them; to be a witness to (and encourage) their curiousity, creativity, kindness, wonder and love; to share my heart with them and to sit back and soak up our days and our rhythms (even the messy ones) with a big breath. And to know and accept that there will be times I'll wish I'd done things differently.
And as I step into week 21 of growing our newest baby girl - hopefully that explains my nausea, exhaustion and absence from the blog :) - I'm breathing easier than before; and making wishes for a new year with joy and love as our guides.
xx
How are you? Are you breathing freely? Any happy news to share? xx
Congratulations on your pregnancy! How exciting a new precious little girl will be joining your family in the new year. I know exactly what you are saying here, and for the same reasons, I've not written a blog post for a few weeks. We haven't been busy as such, it's just been the day to day things (as well pre-primary end of year, Christmas lead up etc) that has seen me want to be more in the moment and needing to focus my energy and time away from the screen for a little bit. My girls are the same ages at 5 and 3 and like you, I feel a desperate sense of urgency to be more present and mindful and to soak up every little moment of time. Wishing you a wonderful new year ahead lovely xx
ReplyDeleteCongratulations what beautiful news and another little girl:) Keep well and enjoy these precious times with your girls, I wish I had your wisdom when my girls were younger. I hope I was present enough with them, I know I am trying to be more mindful realising I am doing things without thought. Take care and congratulations again to all of you. xxx
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, such happy news. Much love, Shell x
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Elisa! Such lovely news! Wishing you all the best for 2015 and the remainder of your pregnancy. So happy for you! xxoo
ReplyDeleteWhat wonderful news Elisa, congratulations!!!!
ReplyDelete"I just need to show up"...this is so important. Our world today is so focused on what we should be doing with our children, where we should be taking them, etc, and actually all we need to do is show up and step into their world with them. That is really all they want from us.
And yes, we all wish we had done some things differently. We are growing on this journey too, and as we learn, we grow and change, and some of the things and decisions we made in the past aren't the ones we would make now, but that is okay, and to be accepting of that is so very important for us mamas.
I am so very happy for you, enjoy your pregnancy, and take care of yourself. xo
Congratulations! I look forward to welcoming another lovely Little Miss to your family next year!! xoxoxox
ReplyDeleteSo very, very happy for you...what lovely news.
ReplyDeleteI think the struggle to be present and mindful is there for all of us sometimes...from here it seems like you are doing a fabulous job xx
How wonderful, congratulations x
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Elisa! Such wonderful news. I bet the girls are super excited to have a little sister on the way. I too remind myself to slow down and enjoy this time with my girls, they grow up too fast! All the best for the remainder of your pregnancy. xx
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Elisa! Can't wait to see the gorgeous new addition next year :)
ReplyDeleteLove the "just show up" message hon xxx
ReplyDeleteAnd congrats again beautiful friend xx
ReplyDeleteYippee!! That's thrilling news,Elisa. And yes, slow down and breathe, girl!! Happy new year ( it is already happy for you ). x
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Elisa, that's fantastic! I'm so happy for you! I suspected as much as soon as I read the word 'nausea' but you had to keep the suspense going until the end, didn't you?:)
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