Monday, 18 June 2012

Just like that

For nine months my baby girl has been sleeping half the night in her bassinet half the night in my bed {and I've been loving it}.

Curled up sleeping soundly next to me {rapt up in my warmth and my love}.

And I would lie face-to-face cuddled with her {listening to her soft sweet breath and running my fingers gently along her face while she slept}.

And I'd whisper I love yous and tell her how beautiful she is {how blessed I am to have her} each night before I drifted into sleep.

And in my head {and heart} I knew that the time would come when she would be too big to sleep in her bassinet {but I wasn't going to make it happen}.

Because I adored it {falling asleep rapt up in her baby warmth and to the sound of her breath}.

And I'd got used to our little bedtime charade {a little ritual and a whole lot of love}.

Last week as I cuddled up to my baby girl for sleep, she crawled all over the bed. All over me. Giggled and crawled. Not at all interested in sleep {or our precious routine}.

So I placed her in her bassinet, and kissed her goodnight {hoping she would find sleep there}.

Two seconds later I heard giggling, and spotted my cheeky smiling baby on her knees looking out at me over the bassinet.

I didn't want to let go {to admit our bedtime ritual was over}.

But I walked to the next room and placed her in her cot {part of me hoping she might cry out to come back to my bed}.

She smiled her precious smile, rolled over and went to sleep. Ready for her own bed. Done with our co-sleeping. Just like that.

And I'm wondering if this is how it will be forever. {Her growing up, me lingering behind}.

Loving her holding my hand, and then one day {when I'm least expecting it} she'll wriggle her hand away from mine. Just like that.

Loving cuddles before bedtime, and then one day {when I'm least expecting it} she just won't need it anymore. Just like that.

Loving her looking up at me, wanting me, asking me questions and then one day {when I'm least expecting it} I'll be standing next to her but she won't need me so close anymore. Just like that.

I wasn't ready to admit my baby's growing up {and it stung a little to let go}, but I'm guessing that's the way it will always be - a bit of a sting as I realise she doesn't need me so much, but a whole lot of love and pride too as I watch her grow.

And I hope she knows that as big as she grows, as much as she wants change and makes changes, as self-sufficient and independent as she becomes... I'll always be here loving her, and I'll hold her hand any day, at any time. Forever if she'll let me.

Elisa xx


  1. Beautiful. I have felt this sting also, and will continue to I imagine as my bubba girl grows up too. xx

    1. Thank you Jane. The sting sure hurts, but here's hoping the pride & love will always outweigh it xx

  2. Elisa I had to smile when I sat down at the computer just now. After publishing my post a few minutes ago I noticed you had a new post. I thought I'll just make some almond milk and a smoothie and I'll read Elisa's post. Now there is a lovely comment from you on my post. Thank you for taking the time to write a comment. It makes my day. Your comments always sound happy and positive too. Thank you.xxoo

    A lovely post Elisa. I know this sting you are talking about. I have felt it a few times with our boys who are now 11 and 14. There is also the pride too of them growing up into beautiful young men. I am sure there will be times when your baby girl still wants to sleep with her mumma. It may be when she is teething or she's feeling unwell or it may be when she just needs to have a little bit of mum time. Enjoy it all. Our babies, no matter what age, are so special. xxoo

    1. Thank you Julie! I love your comments {and blog!} too. Doing my best to enjoy every little moment. And I think you're right, no matter what age she'll still be my baby :) xx

  3. Beautiful post... It's amazing how quick they grow up in front of us... X

    1. Thanks Karen. Definitely! The past nine months have flown! x

  4. What a beautiful post. My Jamelia of nearly 8 still likes to sleep next to me some nights, before dad comes too bed. However My Isla of nearly 4 has never liked to, always an independent sleeper. It is lovely to drift off to sleep holdingJamelias hand. Precious times. Xo

    1. It's funny how siblings can be so different - my little miss two was never interesting in cuddling as a baby! Yet this little one is full of cuddles. I love that Jamelia still wants to sleep in your bed - that bond is so precious xx

  5. beautiful post. and how cute is that little face! :)

    1. Thanks Jess! That little face always lights up my day xx

  6. Such a beautiful post, Elisa.
    That's amazing that she just accepted going back to her own cot, just like that!
    Yes, they grow up extremely fast but we will always be there for our little ones... Always.
    Ronnie xo

  7. That sting I have felt many times with my four kids during various times as they have all grown and their needs have changed. They will always need you, just in different ways depending on what developmental stage they are experiencing. They will also always know how much you love them. Great post again and such a gorgeous cheeky photo:) nx

  8. Elisa, this is such a beautiful post. Sad, yet such a true revelation of motherhood. I'm watching the years swish by and want it desperately to slow down. My lads are now 3 and 6 and I started my blOg when my eldest was born.

    Enjoy those precious cuddles when they happen. Actually, scratch that. I know you will. Every moment. Xx


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