Saturday, 16 February 2013

Out of a shadow of exhaustion

This week has been tough.

I've felt like I'm failing a lot. {But I'm not}.

A mixture of fear, uncertainty, worry and exhaustion will do that.

But mainly exhaustion. {And I really hate the taste of my tears.}

I've felt lost more than anything this week.

I keep double booking myself.

I keep forgetting what I'm meant to do {and where I'm meant to be}.

And I keep forgetting to check in with my heart.

I get offers for help, but I forget how to say yes. Then {thankfully} the offers come back, and that's when I remember to accept.

I learnt this week that watching your partner get wheeled into surgery doesn't get any easier a second time.

I learnt to break one crappy emotional cycle and pick up the phone and talk instead of reaching for chocolate when anxiety gets the better of me.

I learnt that whatever cocktail of emotions I'm experiencing my little miss three gets a small dose of it. We can't disconnect {and I don't know how to shield her from it}. We're talking through what we feel while we hold each other instead.

And out of the shadows of a consuming week come sparks of love and fragments of light.

Words to hold onto. {Words to see me through.}

"Don't be scared mummy. Everybody loves you."

"Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow."

"This too will pass."

Grateful finally arrived on Thursday morning in a wave of relief and seven-hours-in-a-row sleep.

I woke to a moody sky and when I stepped outside the breeze felt like change was coming.

A light gentle rain began soon after. And it was only then that I remembered to stop and breathe, and that I could choose to start my week again.


{I'm grateful for the words that bring me back to this moment right now, and for all those who have offered support and checked in with me this week and asked, "Are you okay?" I am. I'm grateful for change and a new day, time together as a family, our health and especially for my 16-month-old little girl who has slept through for nine hours for two days in a row for the first time xx}

~ Linking with Maxabella for Kidspot's 52 Weeks of Grateful over here x



  1. I'm so sorry it's been so stressful! I don't know you, but my heart goes out to you, tough weeks are tough! I'm glad life is looking up, even if just a little bit!

  2. Oh dear, life seems unfair at times but it seems if we just stop fighting what ever problems are thrown at us, that's when the sun starts shining. January wasn't the best month for me but grateful for the lessons it taught me. keep you chin up.x

  3. Big hugs hon - this week seems to have been hard for so many of us - wonderful that there is always a new day and a fresh week ahead - hoping you have time this weekend to breathe, recharge and connect - xx

  4. Sending you lots of love Elisa. Hope hubby is OK. xoxo

  5. Sending the whole family big hugs
    (and high 5s to the little sleeper!!)
    May next week be a calmer, better one

  6. Sending you all a big virtual hug Elisa, and hoping hubby is on the mend. Good on you for eventually accepting help, so hard sometimes, but we all need it. Fingers crossed for a better week sweetie xx

  7. You poor thing, I hope next week is a better week for you, and your hubby's surgery went ok.

    Take care of yourself.

    Sending you a big hug X

  8. I hope your husband's surgery went alright and next week is better. So beautiful the way you describe the 'sparks of love and fragments of light - I'm so glad you had them to help you through.

  9. Oh, I can so relate to most of this except for the partner's surgery. I hope he is recovering well. Your Miss 3 is such a wise little thing! You are so lucky to have her remind you that everybody loves you, cause sometimes we forget... xxx

  10. Oh I'm sorry you've had such a tough week. Life can be so hard sometimes can't it? Here's hoping you get some respite this week :)

  11. Sorry to hear this Elisa, sounds like you've had a pretty tough time of it recently. Hope your husband is ok and recovers well. Sending you a big hug across the seas x

  12. Oh Elisa, what a tough week. I'm pleased you're out the other side now. Hope this next week is much better for you and your family. Much love, Julie xxoo

  13. So sorry you've had such a stressful week - and it always feels so much worse when you're exhausted, I remember that feeling so well. Glad things have started to turn around, love that you find so much gratitude despite it all and here's to great week to come. :)

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  15. So sorry to hear it's been so hard Elisa....
    I can't imagine what it would be like to watch Rick being taking into surgery.
    Just wanting to give you a big hug and let you know I'm thinking of you during this time.
    Ronnie xo

  16. Sounds like you had a hard week ;( I hope that your partner is now doing well?
    Congrats to your little one on sleeping through, hope she is still keeping it up! I know the sweet sweet joy a night of unbroken sleep can bring, i'm sure every mother does. Bec

  17. Big hugs lovely, sounds like this have been very tough lately, but even though you say you haven't got the right mindset, you really have, you really are intuitive and have that ability to see through the dark. It must be hard to see your partner have to have surgery, not nice at all..
    Please yell out if you need help, I really would be happy to help in any way!


Thank you for your words and support. I'm so glad you stopped by xx