Out of a shadow of exhaustion

This week has been tough.

I've felt like I'm failing a lot. {But I'm not}.

A mixture of fear, uncertainty, worry and exhaustion will do that.

But mainly exhaustion. {And I really hate the taste of my tears.}

I've felt lost more than anything this week.

I keep double booking myself.

I keep forgetting what I'm meant to do {and where I'm meant to be}.

And I keep forgetting to check in with my heart.

I get offers for help, but I forget how to say yes. Then {thankfully} the offers come back, and that's when I remember to accept.

I learnt this week that watching your partner get wheeled into surgery doesn't get any easier a second time.

I learnt to break one crappy emotional cycle and pick up the phone and talk instead of reaching for chocolate when anxiety gets the better of me.

I learnt that whatever cocktail of emotions I'm experiencing my little miss three gets a small dose of it. We can't disconnect {and I don't know how to shield her from it}. We're talking through what we feel while we hold each other instead.

And out of the shadows of a consuming week come sparks of love and fragments of light.

Words to hold onto. {Words to see me through.}

"Don't be scared mummy. Everybody loves you."

"Let's worry about tomorrow tomorrow."

"This too will pass."

Grateful finally arrived on Thursday morning in a wave of relief and seven-hours-in-a-row sleep.

I woke to a moody sky and when I stepped outside the breeze felt like change was coming.

A light gentle rain began soon after. And it was only then that I remembered to stop and breathe, and that I could choose to start my week again.

xx

{I'm grateful for the words that bring me back to this moment right now, and for all those who have offered support and checked in with me this week and asked, "Are you okay?" I am. I'm grateful for change and a new day, time together as a family, our health and especially for my 16-month-old little girl who has slept through for nine hours for two days in a row for the first time xx}

~ Linking with Maxabella for Kidspot's 52 Weeks of Grateful over here x