Dreams. And standing in the way.

Just don't go waiting for your dreams.

I was 15 when I heard those words. I was babysitting, keeping an eye on the toddler playing at my  feet while reading my english school book. Her mum was running around grabbing bits and pieces before she rushed out the door to an important dinner.

It was while rattling off the list of before-bedtime things to do, pointing to where this and that was, that she paused to ask... "What is it you want to do?"

"What do I want to do?"

"Yes. When you grow up..."

"Oh right. I'm going to be a writer. Study journalism. Write a book. And travel the world."

Said just like that. Because nothing was going to get in my way, and my priorities would never change, and time would never been an issue. Or so I thought.

She smiled. "Do that. Do it all. You will. I had dreams once."
 
"Once? What did you dream of?"

"Oh it's nothing. Too late now. Just don't go waiting for your dreams, or it might get too late..."

She returned to her list. "And the nappies are here, but she should be fine now. And we'll be back at 10.30, and help yourself to coffee/tea. The biscuits are here..."

"But why is it too late? If it's your dream, it can't be too late..."

"Oh other people are doing it now. Not when I dreamt it up. But now other people have shops like I was going to have... "

"But it can't be too late... Are you sure?" I persisted. If it was her dream. It could never be too late...

She smiled, a knowing smile. As if one day I too would understand.

"I have a child now. Things have changed. It was just a silly little dream..."

Later that night I sat down in the quiet of the house, a little girl sound asleep. I stirred my coffee gently, I looked out into the dark of the night and I wondered.

I wondered if it really was too late for her dream. I never wanted it to be too late for mine.

And so I made a promise to myself that I would never cut my time short. Never put a limit on my dreams, give them a schedule or believe in their failure. I made a promise to keep on dreaming with my whole heart no matter what. At fifteen.

I see now what her look meant. How easy it is to throw dreams away, to cut them down, to scrap them because time and life and my to-do list and sense of responsibility just got too full.

And I see that in a sense I've been doing that. A little. Going against my promise in part. You see there's a little book I've been dreaming up and writing in my head. But excuses {and fear} have seen me stop when it comes to putting pen to paper... and truly beginning.

After writing my last post, this memory bubbled it's way to the surface. And it has set me on my proper path again. A path that's not limited by time. One that allows dreams to manifest. The path my heart chooses.

xx
 
~ You can read last week's post Can't help but dream here.

Do you let your dreams manifest? And do you believe in can ever be too late for your dreams? x

Waiting for brighter days

Winter is normally my favourite season {going slow, early nights, scarves and the ocean}. But this week all I can think of is brighter days {and sunshine too}.

Little miss two isn't well and for days it's been little-sleep nights {peppered with anxiety as I hold her close and listen to her strained breathing and sleeping tears}.

I've been looking into her big eyes and watching closely as sleep arrives {sending her body love to help it as it heals}.

But mostly I keep telling her that she's getting better {little by little each day}. And especially when she tells me it hurts.

I'm exhausted {and trying my best to keep cranky and tears at bay} and I'm giving thanks for health {and reminding myself to do so every day}.

Today we looked at the winter sky {mostly white and grey} and watched as rain filtered through.

In the early afternoon we spotted a patch of blue {and I wished for summer}. But little miss two just stared at that light blue {the dark clouds and the rain} and asked where her rainbow was.

I told her the sky was missing a rainbow today. She said we can wait.

And that's what today has felt like, strained and dark lit up by patches of smiles and a giggle too. Resting {and healing} and waiting for brighter days and that wonder-light feeling of health {and rainbows too}.

Elisa xx


Do you have a favourite season?

What are you waiting for?

 

 

 It's only just struck me that I'm waiting.

I have been waiting.

I wait. And I do it really well.

I thought I was the resident live-in-the-now make-the-most-of-today optimist in this home.

Well, to some extent I am all that, but it turns out I'm also loving life in a comfort zone, waiting for another chance, the perfect time, for things to look brighter, for life to give me another sign before I make a change.

I'm not happy about this revelation. I don't want to be Mrs Wait.

Because waiting for me, isn't really waiting at all. It's putting things off, it's casting things aside, it's about keeping things safe and simple.

Time for this mama to step up, step outside, face her fears, and live more fully. I may go slowly, but I will go, one little step one moment at a time.

Elisa xx

{Some things are worth waiting for, but this kind of waiting isn't really waiting. It's fear. I first acknowledged this almost two months ago after being asked, "What are you waiting for?" on hitting the publish button on this blog. I had no answer. I was just waiting, because waiting was comfortable. And waiting was fear of the unknown, and fear of not being good enough. Just plain old fear gift-wrapped as waiting. And that's when I realised this kind of waiting is what keeps dreams forever dreams, and wishes forever wishes.}

{I've recently enrolled little miss two in music and movement classes - she loves it! And I've headed back to pilates, and hopefully soon yoga too. We've stopped waiting for a better time... we're making now our time. It feels good.}

{image via}

Do you prefer to play things safe and stick to your comfort zone? Or do you make changes and try things new?